Xtreme Public Service Announcement

Too much fun.

Too much fun.

This coming Friday, Saturday and potentially Sunday, the Village of Northwest-St-Clement-de-Philately will host its biennial Philately Phrolix Potluck Symposium Benefit Day of Prayer Ploughing Match and Dance.

Come one, come all – even you Mr. Bellington (all is forgiven) – to our picturesque village nestled in the scenic valley atop the sweeping mountains of the southwest portion of the Eastern Townships, where the famous Appalachian Corridor abruptly veers off into the not-so-famous Lhasa Apso Hallway.

The Philately Phrolix is a highly anticipated event that people for miles around look forward to every year, although every second year they’re terribly disappointed because this is a biennial event, which you would realize if you were paying any kind of attention.

whist

Calm down!

There’s so much Phun to be Phound in Philately, beginning with a pancake breakfast bonspiel and military whist Friday morning at the curling club, with syrup and musical machinations provided by the Ladies’ Auxiliary, and a special visit from our beloved but boringly-named mascot Philately Phil. A reminder from the ladies that they still have not recovered from the cutlery theft of two years ago, and that if you have any silverware to donate, they hope you’ll give a fork.

The Phestivities continue through the day Friday with a toboggan-waxing demonstration (weather permitting) and a workshop on Scottish flower arranging (heather permitting). The registration deadline for these workshops was two weeks ago so, really, I’m telling you this just so you’ll realize what you’re missing. Seriously, pay attention, people!

The Friday noon hour will see the return of our famous baked bean luncheon with all the fixings – well, not quite all the fixings; the municipal gherkin ban remains in effect until March 31. But “bean” prepared to enjoy a great meal with family and friends and Mr. Bellington.

Afternoon entertainment under the pretty-big tent includes a performance of misinterpreted dance by the Wiskimiski Wobblers; the song and hair stylings of Sylvie Strain; the Old-Timey Fiddlers Who Really Know Only One Song; Gino Vannelli; and gather round as we cheer on Buckshot Bob & the Barflies as they continue their quest to break the Guinness record for the longest continuous playing of “Sweet Home Alabama.” Woo-hoo-hoo, boys, woo-hoo-hoo.

The Philately Community Centre is the place to be Saturday as we welcome artisans, craftspeople, service organizations, and petty criminals fulfilling court-ordered community service. This is a great chance to do some honestly-far-too-early Christmas shopping and load up on knitted items, ceramic doodads and cheaply produced pamphlets.

Supplies are limited.

Supplies are limited.

In addition to the popular semi-silent auction, there will be the far-less-popular but federal-grant-fulfilling lecture symposium, emceed by everyone’s favourite radio personality Guy MacDonald, host of “Mediocre Morning!” This year’s topic: “Have Nacho Flavours Gone Too Far?” Guest speakers will be the local president of the Doritos Fan Club; our perpetually peevish head librarian Faye Lepitre; and stopping by from his secret enclave-slash-cottage on Lake Woopdidoopdi, North Korea supreme leader Kim Jong Un. Ample parking available behind the Legion.

Don’t forget this year’s Phrolix will benefit the Philately and District Volunteer Fire Department who need a new hydraulic Mandibles of Death by May 15 or they’re all quitting in a huff. The firefighters will be on site throughout the weekend selling raffle tickets, running the blood drive and generally making you feel guilty about your lack of community involvement.

Please note that due to the unfortunate port-o-potty events of two years ago, the Philately Phrolix is now a tea-free event.

There’s plenty more to do and see and live to regret at the 2013 Philately Phrolix this weekend. For more information, visit our website at www.philately-hyphen-underscore-2013-backslash-phrolix.com . (Please note that www.philately-frolics.com is porn.)

A version of this piece first appeared on CBC Radio’s “Breakaway” on March 19, 2013. Click here to hear the original PSA (Pretty Stinkin’ Awesome!).

Advertisements

About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
This entry was posted in Never Happened, Turn that radio on! and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Xtreme Public Service Announcement

  1. peachyteachy says:

    You are silly. I tried to listen but this one wasn’t up.

  2. How many times did you have to practice until you could say “Philately” without getting tongue-tied? Very funny and enjoyable to hear and read – I love silliness for its own sake.

  3. rossmurray1 says:

    That first paragraph was a doozy. Thank goodness for Audacity editing program. Hey, thanks for giving it a listen. I appreciate it.

  4. The Cutter says:

    Nacho flavors HAVE gone too far, and its about time someone addressed this

  5. Amanda Fox says:

    Ross, you are the quintessential Canadian. I loved this. Cutlery theft, toboggan waxing, port-o-potty events, etc. etc. I actually thought this was real for a bit. Just us Canadians doin’ it up right. 😉

    And I had to click on the links to see what the heck they were.

    As always, loved hearing it live.

    Good one. Really good one.

  6. Amanda Fox says:

    Oh yeah, and the pics – awesome!

  7. javaj240 says:

    Dear Mr. Murray,

    As long as there’ll be syrup, you can count me in! I understand the tea ban! (Port-o Potty issues can never be underestimated or, as the unfortunate events at the 2011 Phrolix demonstrated, anticipated — I’m glad to hear that young Mr. Bellingham will not only be welcome, but that he has actually been forgiven!) I would, however, like to enquire regarding the availability of water at The Phrolix. I can’t imagine syrup without water with which to wash it down! (Just enough for a slight swishing would be plenty.) I can bring my own if you all have decided on a “beverage ban”.

    I look forward to your prompt response.

    As always, I remain
    Yours in Philately,

    Javaj240

  8. breezyk says:

    1. Can you elaborate on the concept of a “Semi-silent auction”
    2. nacho flavours have definitely gone too far
    3. I went to a bonspiel a few months ago and it was amazing. Fantastic concept

    • rossmurray1 says:

      1. It’s like a silent auction except with more aggressive complaining about the bidding, one step removed from the full body contact silent auction.
      2. Agreed.
      3. Knowing what a bonspiel is should be on the citizenship test.

  9. Nacho flavored toothpaste, nacho flavored Chapstick, nacho flavored intimate lub, nothing says I love you like nacho flavored breath, that’s why we need nacho flavored Listerine.

Go ahead, don't be shy.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s