On interviews and intolerant views

We can learn a few things from watching this video shot at my book launch at the Haskell Free Library two weekends back.

1) If you’re the host/presenter/potential subject of an ambush interview at a public event, make sure all your duties are out of the way before you venture out into the pouring rain.

2) The Wet Look is definitely out.

3) I should definitely have blood work done because I clearly need a prescription of steak.

4) Or it may be all the twitching that’s keeping the weight off.

5) When deer talk to each other about being stunned and paralyzed, they refer to it as “Ross in the headlights.”

6) You should call Sheila Quinn to host your next event, even if that event is laying off all your employees. She’ll liven that sucker right up!

7) I gave the rubber chicken to the dog, which may have been a social faux-pas gift-wise, but it’s okay because I did the same with all our wedding presents.

Next: Everyone has their prejudices. For example, I hate the film Grown Ups and, for reasons I can’t fully fathom, have seen it 2.2 times. Damn kids! I really, really hate this movie, not because it’s especially bad but because it is among the laziest, least funny, trite, underlyingly nasty wastes of talent I’ve ever seen.

I attribute this movie to my loss of faith in American film. Mainstream Hollywood movies are like Patak’s Indian pastes and sauces; they all have different names and ingredients but ultimately they all taste like Patak’s.

Consequently, I am prejudiced against the upcoming Grown Ups 2, so much so that I am actively urging people to, please, do not go see it. Producing a terrible, lazy movie is one thing; rewarding that movie with a sequel is something worth fighting against. Instead of you and your date going to see Grown Ups 2, spend your money on my book instead. You’ll make yourself and more importantly me much happier. (See how I brought that back around?)

So we all have our prejudices. And sometimes you might even surprise yourself to discover what your prejudice is. Which brings me to this week’s audio piece, which aired on CBC “Breakaway” today. Would you still love your child if she turned out to be… well, listen and hear for yourself. (Bonus: There’s no twitching on the radio!)

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About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
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15 Responses to On interviews and intolerant views

  1. I have many things to say, I’m sorry.
    1) While funny, that was not technically an interview.
    2) My 13 Year-Old is turning into Alex P. Keaton. I’m going to a support group to learn how to be more tolerant. That being said – my children know better than to listen to George Strait – I am horrified and thought you were a better parent than that. Which brings me to
    3) I have never seen Grown Ups. Not even .002 times.
    4) The Wet Look was OUT last week. It’s IN this week. Keep up man. You act like you live in Canada or something.

    • rossmurray1 says:

      1. Technically, I think it was a cry for help.
      2. Gangsta rap is looking pretty good at this point.
      3. Good for you. Shame on Adam Sandler.
      4. Sitting on the border like that, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.

  2. javaj240 says:

    I don’t even know what “Grown-Ups” is — so, that either makes me better than you, busier than you, and/or more industrious (simply leave the room, Ross) than you — possibly all three. That being said, your book arrived here last week. My husband had no idea what it was and so it lay buried amidst the junk mail for about a week — I discovered it yesterday. After threatening him with alerting The Feds to his crime of “tampering with the U.S. Mail” and the huffiness that inevitably ensued, I just didn’t have it in me to crack it open last night. Perhaps I’ll get to it tonight, as long as I don’t have to police the mattress — who knows whether or not Fang will up and decide to participate in further felonious acts, like removing the tags on the Serta.

    • rossmurray1 says:

      I never know how to respond to your voluminous comments so I just smile and nod. You crack me up.

      • javaj240 says:

        That is probably best — I just had to share this one with you — I just received it from one of my “phantom followers” — I hope my comments, voluminous as the may be, at least make sense unlike this:

        Liberating. you guys didnt leave anything late did you now. I sure have trouble getting to grips with life, and not even sure how I’m doing it. Things got smaller appetite runs out. well done on sorting your life out, I’ve tried, never yet got there. Thanks a million for the advice. So caring of you to bother.

  3. Chicken feet, interesting. Those could be use to make a Macumba (sorta Brazilian santeria) offer.
    I wanna be interviewed by someone who gives a gummy chicken foot, a spiral thing, a frog, a turtle and a strawberry (yeah, I counted them).
    I don’t know Grown Up

    • rossmurray1 says:

      The array of gummie candies is so vast, I think Letterman could fill a season with guests sampling different varieties and then talking as they chew.

      Don’t watch Grown Ups.

  4. Amanda Fox says:

    I have seen the movie Grown Ups. I have to say that I very much dislike Adam Sandler. I enjoy other offensive-type comedy, but not this movie. Or him. That’s it. Loved your interview. Were you wet? I didn’t notice.

  5. peachyteachy says:

    I thought that this all went rather well (other than the fact that it was very unlibrarily noisy at the beginning. But that allowed us to focus better on the bit where you run your hand through your hair and wipe it on your pants. That was inspired. Then, suddenly, there was some chick singing and playing guitar, not very humorously. Ah, Canadian book launches. I loved it.

  6. peachyteachy says:

    I shall be closing that un-closed parenthetical ramble now).

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