Hey there! Welcome! How’s your morning going so far? (Or how was your day, if you’re on the other side of the world, and why wouldn’t you be? Readers live all over. No need for me to be — what’s the phrase? Not “North-American-centric”… oh yes! “a douchebag!”)
So, regulars, please make the new people feel at home. Show them where we keep the stationary, and don’t forget to fill them in on Casual Fridays and Vigilante Wednesdays. And remember: the coffee is always half-caff so you can drink twice as much!
And, new people, hi! If you came here for the Freshly Pressed cat litter, be aware that I don’t write exclusively about pets and waste disposal. In fact, I would prefer not to write about my pets at all but sometimes, you know, you just have to vent your spleen, although personally I prefer a gently air-conditioned spleen.
And if you’ve come here because you’ve Googled “teens drinking pee,” shame on you! We don’t want your type here! Git! Before we call the cops!
Here at Drinking Tips for Teens, you’ll read all sorts of topics. Sometimes it will be a well-formed essay. Other times it will be my ongoing crusade to discourage people from seeing Grown Ups 2 (because the only thing worse than a lazy, sub-mediocre comedy is rewarding a lazy, sub-mediocre comedy with a sequel). Sometimes I’ll write about Canada and Quebec, which is where I live (because there are other places in the world beside the United States, you big ol’ douchebag!). Then again, sometimes we’ll just have a little chat. Like today!
Hey there! Welcome!
A couple of weeks ago, I launched a contest to give away two of my books. And I received entries from fives if not sevens of readers! One prize was my latest collection, Don’t Everyone Jump at Once, while the other was my 2010 collection, You’re Not Going to Eat That, Are You? (What can I say? I like long book titles.)
I had decided to give away the older book because my surplus copies were clogging up my Wonky Drawer of Stuff™.
In the meantime, I did a book reading at an art studio (because I’m posh), and afterwards, the director agreed to take all my old books off my hands. On consignment! That means no money changes hands until they are sold. I am living the dream.
In short, I gave away all my old copies of You’re Not Going to Eat That…, so, in order to award the prize, I had to go to my local grocery store (because having your book in your local grocery store is living the dream x2), and buy a copy of my own book to give away.
Which is why writers should never manage their own affairs.
Now everyone get back to work/sleep!