Awards: nothing to sneeze at

Like seasonal allergies, blogging awards seem to peak and wane through the year, and we appear to be in a current high cycle. I can tell from my itchy, watery eyes.

liebster-awardAnd so, it’s with humble gratitude and chronic sneezing that I have two to take care of today. The first is from Sarah at The Great Unwashed, who nominated me for a Liebster Award. “Liebster” is German for “questionnaire,” and, I have to say, Sarah’s queries are pretty dynamite. Let’s get to them, shall we?

1. If you had to choose between Anna Karenina, War and Peace and Steve Martin’s acclaimed novella “Shopgirl” which book would be the best weapon in a bar fight?
For sheer surprise attack, go with Steve Martin, although it depends on the time of year;  absolutely everyone knows you don’t read frothy novellas after Labour Day.

2. What is the longest period you’ve ever gone without bathing? Please note, stays in Turkish prisons do not count.
1987 was the twentieth anniversary of the Summer of Love. We called it “the Summer of Like.” At university, my friends and I organized a theme party to celebrate the hippie era, and in preparation I didn’t bathe for a week. And yet my hair still didn’t seem greasy enough, so I applied Vaseline. This was probably the biggest lesson learned at university.

3. You’ve decided to take on three additional husbands and or wives, who are they? Both living and dead people may be included, although admittedly an attraction to the deceased is a little beyond me.
That woman at that store that time; my Grade 3 teacher; and Lady Bird Johnson. Obviously.

4. What is your most unfortunate public transportation story?
I’m sorry, what is this public transportation you speak of? Mrs. Johnson and myself would never stoop to such plebeian conveyances as busses and streetcars.

5. Go back in time, you’re attempting to sell your five year old sibling, what is your asking price?
A packet of Chiclets would probably do it.

6. In a bid to secure the Guinness World Record for “Longest and Highest Transport of Tom Cruise” you’ve decided to piggyback this superstar across the Andes. What phrase do you repeat to yourself during the tough parts of the trek to spur yourself onwards when Tom’s pointy hip bones are digging into your spine?
Let me answer that question with another question?

7. What do you consider to be a valid reason for a hunger strike?
Any attempt by your family to force you to see Grown Ups 2.

8. Name three items you hide from your spouse or significant other or even better, yourself.
Latex gloves, marmalade and the works of Margaret Atwood. You only make that mistake once, trust me!

9. Where are the hiding places for these items? Wait! Don’t tell me, I’m a terrible secret keeper.
OK. I thought I could trust you. I guess I was wrong. Kind of hurt, actually. Bit of a trigger. Ooooo man! Get me the marmalade!

10. How do you feel about my interviewing skills? Will they make Oprah love me?
Excuse me? Does it really have to be all about you? Whose narcissistic blog is this, anyway?

Thanks, Sarah, that was fun. I went through half a box of Kleenex while answering your questions, which is a personal best.

versatileblogger113I also have a Versatile Blogger Award from Emily at Don’t Repeat This in Preschool. For this one, I just have to tell you seven things about myself:

1. Last night I dreamed that Lindsay Lohan and “her wife” had died in a drug overdose. This made me sad. Not for LL but because my brain could be bothered.

2. I sometimes wonder what happened to that kid at camp who argued that Logan’s Run was better than Star Wars.

3. Somewhere among my old papers I have the start of a novel about Adam and Eve that manages to suggest that menstruation is both sacrament and sin. This unfortunate work was written around the time I was willingly putting Vaseline in my hair.

4. I once considered becoming an actor until I realized I would have to spend a lot of time with actors.

5. I think writers are just as bad but thankfully they generally keep to themselves.

6. I read a story in our local newspaper this morning about an old woman named Coote. This not only tickled me but also helped dispell the Lindsay Lohan dream.

7. I think I have a pretty good singing voice, but who doesn’t?

At this point, I’m supposed to pass these awards on to some other deserving bloggers and have them go through the questionnaire/answering/unburdening process. But, as with allergies, sometimes you need to just, you know, uproot that ragweed. Stop making us work during the summer, awards! So, to the worthy bloggers listed below, feel free to accept any award of your choosing with no irritation or itching. Think of me as the blogosphere’s big bottle of Benadryl.

I just like these guys:

Pinklighsabre’s Blog: Art, poetry, philosophy, evocative, thoughtful
Ned’s Blog: My kind of Ned
Do Not Get Sick in the Sink, Please: As the ladies says, humour and sex but mostly sex
One Awkward Year: But one charming, nutbar blog
B.L.O.G.: Mike Calahan writes smart, observational pieces that feel like nostalgia for the young. Funny stuff.
Crazy As Normal: One of those bloggers you’re just so happy to find because it feels like friendship , PLUS if she likes you she’ll promote the poop out of you. (That sounds like far less fun than it is…)

Remember: say it, don’t spray it!


About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
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31 Responses to Awards: nothing to sneeze at

  1. El Guapo says:

    An excellent, fact filled, ganache stuffed set of replies, wrapped in a crunchy (yet fudgy and mildly savory) exterior.
    Off to check out the nominees I don’t know…

  2. The Logan’s Run kid most likely came to a bad end.

  3. I really liked your answers to my questions thank you for accepting the award. I’ll be sure to look at the bloggers you nominated.

  4. Letizia says:

    A packet of Chiclets- yeah, if I remember correctly, that sounds about right! Congrats on your awards 🙂

  5. Elyse says:

    These were possibly the best chain letter questions ever!

  6. Thank you, and sorry to bring the sneezes. 🙂

  7. franhunne4u says:

    “Liebster” is German for “questionnaire” – Hm – is it?
    I am german AND I looked it up, just to be sure I had not missed a side meaning (making a fool of myself is not my favourite pastime). NO – “Liebster” means “Darling, Honey, Sweetie, dearest” in German. NOT “questionnaire”. Direct translation would be the “most beloved – or dearest” (man for a woman you would leave out the r – it would be Liebste). Just to clarify that misunderstanding.

  8. pinklightsabre says:

    We’re on some kizmet thing, and that’s too bad for your sake. I gave you a cryptic shout-out in my post today, where I tagged it with your moniker. Me aping Ross, or trying to. I also have a story to share with you sometime linked to the vaseline and the hippy thing. I experimented with cutting deodorant out altogether for a period of time, but that doesn’t work so well in a corporate environment. I broke down and bought a stick when I got sent on a plane with my VP to New York. That’s all for now, thanks for the good humour as always. It’s a wonderful thing, all joking aside. – Bill

    • rossmurray1 says:

      I didn’t see me at all in your post; so good. But I’ll take the shout-out. Thanks.
      I’ve been using crystal deodorant for years. Works for me, but I’m not a Hamma Hamma. One of the first freelance humour pieces I ever had published was about it. I called it “Crystal Blue Perspiration.” I was prouder of the title than actually getting paid.

  9. DrFrood says:

    Re: books and barfights. I hate to disagree with you, but it surely has to be War and Peace for melee action (good density and large enough surface area that the bruises won’t show so much, which helps with any later legal troubles).

    And if you’re fighting from distance, go for the serialised versions of Karenina, so you have several shots. Aim for the eyes.

    I just worry that a novella doesn’t offer enough protection.

    As my dad is wont to say, I only want what’s best for you, son.

  10. I love Margaret Atwood books – does this mean we can’t be friends, Rosemary? And you still haven’t explained how anyone could possibly use the stupid ‘handle’ on the small glass jars of outrageously priced maple syrup

    Please correct these issues and get back to me ASAP (As Slippery As Possible)

  11. Okay, I have to ask since no one else did, why do you hide latex gloves from your significant other?

  12. calahan says:

    Thanks, Ross! I’m flattered. 🙂

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