Justify left right left

So after the revolution comes – as we all know it will – they’ll call it “The Great Estimation” because everyone will be rounded up. Herded into vast Purification Centres, citizens will appear before an assessor to determine their usefulness to the Noble New Society

“State your name and occupation,” the assessor will ask me.

“Ross Murray,” I’ll say. “I’m a mlmppmmhm…”

“Speak up,” he’ll say without lifting his eyes from his long list of names. “Your occupation, please.”

“I – I’m a writer.”

The assessor will raise his head and look me up and down as I stand there in my state-issued pantaloons.

“Another writer,” he’ll grunt. “What kind of writer?”

“Well, mostly I write stories that are, you know, funny.”

“Funny,” the assessor will say. “Define ‘funny.’”

Read the rest at Life in Quebec...


About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
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36 Responses to Justify left right left

  1. Well, you had a nice run up til the whole execution thing.

  2. Excellent. I’ll be joining you on the discarded pile as my own skill set is sorely lacking gravitas… No wait! I can make killer birthday cakes! Unless that’s outlawed by then….

  3. colemining says:

    Yep. Game over for me as well.
    And damn you and your power. ‘I Believe I can Fly’ is now running through my head at full volume.

  4. Ned's Blog says:

    I’ll see your “I Believe I Can Fly” and raise you an “Achey Breaky Heart.”

  5. Dictator regimes don’t understand whimsy, do they?

  6. You don’t have to justify yourself! After all, “writer” is not the same as “pedophile clown.” Plus, it pays better.

    Speaking of dictators, I’m kind of surprised your blog makes it past my firewall at work. It’s pretty sensitive and the whole ‘drinking tips for teens’ thing is a whole bushel full of red flags.

    • rossmurray1 says:

      Yeah, didn’t really think that one through. I’ve mentioned this on other comments before but I have a post called “A big jar of pee.” Combine that with “drinking” and “teens” and I get some pretty creepy/gross searches, speaking of “pedophile clowns.” And again we come full circle.

      • I did a post once about how I thought all the new Disney princesses seemed kind of sexualized to me. (I have daughters. Don’t jump to conclusions.) The animated Amy Adams in Enchanted is kind of hot with the strap of her dress falling off her shoulder and whatnot. You should see the creepy x 1,000 search terms I still get to this day. The internet is Pandora’s Box, that’s for sure.

  7. Pingback: Better Than a Grammy | Jilanne Hoffmann

  8. benzeknees says:

    Loved this! It’s sort of a microcosm of what the world thinks of writers in a satirical way! Thumbs up!

  9. ksbeth says:

    You’re a pistol, you’re really funny. You’re really funny.
    Tommy DeVito: What do you mean I’m funny?
    Henry Hill: It’s funny, you know. It’s a good story, it’s funny, you’re a funny guy.
    Tommy DeVito: What do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What?
    Henry Hill: It’s just, you know. You’re just funny, it’s… funny, the way you tell the story and everything.
    Tommy DeVito: [it becomes quiet] Funny how? What’s funny about it?
    Anthony Stabile: Tommy no, You got it all wrong.

    reminds me of this scene from ‘goodfellas’ ) you are the canadian version of an italian mobster.

  10. pinklightsabre says:

    This feels different but as good as always, which I love. Thanks for a break from my life, for a celebration in the silly. You have that down pat.

  11. List of X says:

    Normally, Great Leaders allow some harmless humor to entertain the masses doing Honourable Work, so it won’t be all that bad. The catch is that the leader’s censors will probably carefully read every word you write, but that’s still better than some of the people who supposedly follow our blogs.

  12. cat9984 says:

    See – I knew the whole stocking cheese thing would come in handy one day. My previous co-workers (consultants) would have been the only ones executed before the writers.

  13. lostalreadyinmy20s says:

    Ah, I’ll have to send this to people from now on when trying to describe what I’m writing. I’m loving your blog, check mine out if you feel so inclined. http://whyamialwaysfaffingabout.wordpress.com/

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