Sports Titillated

It’s ba-a-a-a-a-ck! I see the Swimsuit Issue lives on. Why? I think the answer is “Why not?” This was one of my favourite pieces from last year, which I reprint today. The cover may be different, but those funny feelings remain the same. Alas, I’ll not be able to back this up with empirical evidence; we did not renew my son’s subscription.

Drinking Tips for Teens

For 55 issues a year, Sports Illustrated produces solid, mature writing that rises above sports cliché and hyperbole in such an inspired way as to justify the magazine’s continued existence in the age of instant information and sock-drawer opinion.

Then, come February, the chicks are in the mail.

The arrival of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is like coming home to discover that your normally sober great-aunt is slapstick, manhandling, showtunes drunk: it’s completely out of character, it’s equal parts embarrassing and appalling, and yet you can’t help but stare in fascination and the secret hope that something will pop out.

The marketers call it the most anticipated issue of the year. If “anticipated” is a synonym for “awkward,” then yes.

My son’s subscription copy has remained on our kitchen table since it arrived in the mail last week. No one really wants to claim it, yet it can’t be…

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About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
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9 Responses to Sports Titillated

  1. That’s the best post title I’ve seen in a long time. Is that an award? You bet it is.

    Excuse me, but are you aware that they put Barbie on the cover this year? Surely, that deserved some fresh commentary! That’s not hot. I need skin, not plastic.

    Roy tells Jim
    his marriage was a failure
    ’cause neither he nor Babs
    has any genitalia.

    • rossmurray1 says:

      It really was one of my favourite posts from last year, mainly because it walked the fine line between thoughtfulness and immaturity, a goal I strive for in my daily life.

      I heard about the Barbie thing but the cover I saw today (in the school library, no less; just try attempting to take a peek at that with all those student eyes watching…) was the usual cheesecake. What gives?

  2. cat9984 says:

    Lucky you didn’t have to explain this year’s cover to your daughter. There is no logical explanation for three almost-naked rears and one (almost) fully exposed breast while the girls put their arms around each other. At least no explanation that doesn’t include, “some men don’t have internet access.”

Go ahead, don't be shy.

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