Why You Drive So Loud?

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O, tender youth with ball cap perched
And moustache like a wisp of dirt,
Upon my street and through my town
Why you drive so loud?

There’s thrill in speed, I get that, fine,
A race can spike adrenaline,
Perhaps you’re late and need to hurry,
But souped-up engines: really?

To tune one’s car, it’s not my bag,
To each his own, I always say.
Spoilers, pipes and mags: all tolerable,
I just don’t get the decibels.

I wish you’d thrust your melon out
Your window as you ride, and shout:
“I’m loud and fast cuz I’m an idiot,”
At least that would explain it.

Instead, you prop your hand upon
The steering wheel, so cool, just so,
Ignoring glares from seniors, dogs
As the engine goes “BHHRAU-BHHRAAAAAUUUGG!”

“The splendick’s murphing in the gleeps,”
I tell my dear one as we stroll,
Or that is all she hears at least
Above the Sentra’s caterwaul.

“Kids today…,” we frown and squawk
As soon as hearing’s been restored.
“Oh, great, he’s turned, he’s coming back.
Oh, wait, he’s forty-four.”

And who is this with tricked out muffler?
A youngish girl, a single mother.
Is it equal rights when noise horrific
Isn’t gender-specific?

And yet, O drivers, fast and pestiferous
With boorish cars mechano-vociferous,
I’m still far off from comprehending
The never-ending revving.

Were you neglected, you wee dear thing,
The youngest whelp of ten, thirteen?
You lacked attention, longed for fondness,
Abandoned in a lot of Hondas?

You wish to stand out in the crowd,
Impress your friends, make Papa proud?
Some strive through art, play sports, some sing
But, you, you’re just exhausting

I likewise strive to feel I’m different
Yet I don’t drive by your apartment with
Tricked out book, bright chrome upon it,
Shouting odes and sonnets.

Is this your social contribution:
Burning rubber, noise pollution?
Pushing neighbours to the brink?
Dunno; can’t hear myself think.

If you were on some circuit there, I’d
Cheer, “Rev on!” I wouldn’t care.”
But here along this peaceful bend
You are a NASCAR without the “N.”

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About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
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36 Responses to Why You Drive So Loud?

  1. Paul says:

    Ha! Well said my friend. I must confess that when I was young I loved making a lot of noise. If it made a lot of noise, it was ALIVE. The more noise the better. Now, not so much. Ha! Now I read poetry about loud cars and agree.

  2. Ned's Blog says:

    I’m pretty sure that’s what nail strips are for.

  3. Twindaddy says:

    I can’t agree with this loudly enough…

  4. I love the last line! Well done. 🙂

  5. kerbey says:

    Inspired! Yes, they need attention desperately. Please validate me! I am loud! “I am nothing; hear me roar.” Only last week I suggested that people who play their bass too loudly should be put in camps and left to rot. Perhaps too harsh. Put in “colonies” where they can all drive around, impressing each other.

  6. franhunne4u says:

    And now imagine living next to traffic lights, that stop those loud cars .. just under your bedroom-window – and that is not closing tightly. Welcome to my world.

  7. ksbeth says:

    does my singing in my car while stopped at a light with the windows down, constitute ‘loud’?

  8. Ha! I like it, especially the part where you sound like nonsense because the car is too loud. My friend’s father got even with the teens by driving around the neighborhood blaring Beethoven from his speakers once – I wish I had been there.

  9. Elyse says:

    I love it! I was just talking about this the other day! What are we — stuck in a Happy Days revival? Jeez!

  10. pinklightsabre says:

    This had a Cat Stevens feel at first, a la ‘Oh Very Young,’ but then it didn’t.

  11. wishxthree says:

    That was beautiful! Absolutely agree with you!

  12. markbialczak says:

    I do so enjoy, Ross, your auto noise rhyme
    Our lives would be richer
    If they pursued instead the road to mime

  13. List of X says:

    When I see the cars driving by roaring
    With teenage drivers rolling the steering
    It’s really the drivers for whom I’m worrying –
    They are so young yet must’ve have lost hearing.

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