20 reasons dogs are better than people

DSC_10981. Dogs are loyal.

2. Dogs are always willing to just hang out.

3. Dogs are always excited to see you, even if you’ve been gone for only five minutes.

4. Dogs never ask you why you ran off like that screaming, “All the real estate signs! The agents! Staring at me!”

5. Dogs will lick your face and never ask if that’s booze they smell on your breath.

6. You can rub dogs’ bellies without them getting all weird about it.

7. Dogs never carry concealed weapons.

8. When I was 11 years old and on vacation in Nevada, an old ranch hand named Dingus Floyd told me that if I put my hand on an electric fence, I’d get calluses that would make all the girls go “Hootey-hoot woo-ee!” (his words). I was a sensitive boy, because of the horseback riding, and I trusted him, though why, I don’t know; he wore an old T-shirt that read “Don’t Trust Me, Dang Fool!” He had written it in ketchup. Anyway, I touched the fence and the shock was so bad I wet my authentic Western chaps, and Dingus Floyd laughed and laughed. Dogs don’t care if you wet your authentic chaps. And they certainly don’t write it up in the ranch newsletter.

9. If you cover yourself with raw meat, dogs think you are absolutely the coolest and not just a “habitual meat waster” who really needs to “get help” and “off the carpet.”

10. Dogs won’t eat grapes.

11. Dogs are a great way to meet people but people are not a great way to meet dogs.

12. Dogs don’t have to wear pants. (True fact: this is where the expression “lucky dog” comes from.)

DSCN790013. But they will wear pants if you want them to. They can wear funny hats and lacy things and sunglasses and they’ll let you take their picture, and you can put the picture in a photo album, and then, late at night, when you’re snuggling together in your meat suit, you can say, “Oh, Barksome, remember that time with the glittering espadrilles?” And then you can get the photo album out without worrying about waking anyone up because they’ve all relocated to their so-called “safe house.”

14. Dogs come when you call them, unlike you, Janine!

15. A dog will always be honest with you but not brutally honest, if you know what I mean.

16. Dogs won’t turn you in to the authorities.

Spin Momma Dog MGD©

17. You can listen to Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” over and over again and dogs will never storm out of the house.

18. Dogs rarely get offended when you laugh and say, “Look at the way her bum wiggles when she walks!”

19. Dogs are better than people but people are way better than cats. Just putting that out there.

20. You can sell dogs.


About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
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54 Responses to 20 reasons dogs are better than people

  1. shiva134 says:

    Yes a quality article !!!! Heads up !!!!!!

  2. pinklightsabre says:

    Dogs don’t blog, either.

  3. Amanda Fox says:

    Every once in a while, I pop back in to this WordPress world. And I had to for this one. You always make me laugh, Ross. Even with that slight about cats LOL.

  4. 21. Long-haired, low-slung dogs (such as shelties, but naming no names) can act as your own personal street sweeper. Imagine the excitement of finding ALL THE LEAVES from your street in your own front hall! It’s awesome.

  5. Paul says:

    22. When it comes time in your life to find a dead fish on cluttered beach – a dog can unerringly lead you directly to your heart’s desire and then, to make sure you know exactly where the fish is located, roll in it over and over and over.

  6. Carrie Rubin says:

    I think Dingus Floyd needs a whole lot of face licking from a dog who’s just licked his own nether regions (and those of the other dogs in the park). What a mean arse to do that to a kid.

  7. kerbey says:

    Yes. And even the worst WordPresser/WordPressian (what’s the term?) is superior to a cat, who is only deluded by its superiority complex.

  8. Some dogs even seem to have a sense of humor. Not mine. Mine has existential angst, but he’s so damn cute!

  9. markbialczak says:

    23. Dogs can pee and poop in the yard without the neighbor calling the cops about it.

  10. franhunne4u says:

    Off to write my blogpost why dogs are overrated and cats are cooler than everything. Maybe I should let them back in …

  11. Elyse says:

    I am urgently rubbing my dog’s belly and he is not getting weird. Life is good.

  12. You CAN sell people. It’s just frowned upon to the point of being illegal in most societies.

    I’d argue with the cat thing but then I remember how irritated I am with both our cats, especially the one that has a fascination with attacking members of my dragon collection. I love my dragons more than I love you, cat, so back off!

  13. Dingus Floyd is so obviously a fictitious name. I can appreciate your wanting to protect the innocent but is that the best you can do?

    My dog bites me. Hard. Not a fan.

  14. ksbeth says:

    all good points, but #12 is my favorite, as i’m not a huge pants fan either. if given the option and opportunity…..

  15. LifeLoofah says:

    My husband and myself got a real kick out of reading these!

  16. I think it’s cool that dogs get to go around naked and don’t get arrested for indecent exposure.

  17. 24. A dog will alert you that a bear has been in your backyard by diviing (face first) into the warm, gooey bear poo and then coming inside to snuggle with you.

  18. pieterk515 says:

    Dogs can smell another dog’s ass and know exactly where they’ve been. That would be a perfect lie-detector if it worked on teenagers…

  19. Letizia says:

    My dog once killed a rabbit and had parts of its liver stuck in her mustache. I found it while petting her on the couch. Definitely a concealed weapon as I jumped in horror, haha! Great post, Ross.

  20. cat9984 says:

    Perhaps you need to associate with a better class of cats.

  21. You earned a like even from this antianimal fiend. Love the last one esp, Ross.

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