Are you in the zone?

wombRemember floating in your mother’s womb? Remember how warm and cozy you were? Remember how you didn’t have a care in the world, no nagging doubts, no taxes to pay, no arrest warrants?

Of course you don’t remember. You were in the womb!

But that, my friends, is the comfort zone. Our lives begin in this carefree state and we spend the rest of our lives striving to regain that bliss.

I’m here today to tell you that it’s possible. You, too, can Step Inside Your Comfort Zone.

Other self-help gurus urge you to “step outside your comfort zone.” What a mistake. Stupid, gurus, stupid!

Let’s think about it for a moment. What’s outside your comfort zone? By definition, there is discomfort. There is pain. There is failure. There be dragons.

So many unpredictable things can happen when you step outside your comfort zone. Let’s say, for instance, you gather up the courage to talk to a stranger. Well, that stranger could end up being boring, he could be a psychopath, or worse, could ask to borrow money.

Or say you decide to try out for the cheerleading team. Despite your strangely deformed appendage, you make the squad. In fact, you quite literally leap to the top of the cheerleading elite, performing flips, quadra-steps, and the legendary Flying Archangel before adoring fans. But it’s not enough.

Next thing you know, you’re asked to form a human pyramid on the top girders of a construction site. Your footing slips and… oh! don’t you wish you’d stayed in your comfort zone?

You know who else stepped outside his comfort zone? A little Austrian fellow who decided to take a stab at painting, a little fellow named… Hitler!

Clearly, stepping outside your comfort zone is fraught with misery and heartbreak. Your comfort zone, on the other hand, isn’t fraught with anything. It’s completely fraught-free.

The comfort zone is a natural state — like Idaho. Look around you. Look at the trees. Trees are trees. You don’t see trees deciding to play the violin, right? They stay in their comfort zone. You know what happens to animals that step outside their comfort zone? They get eaten.

You don’t want to be eaten, do you?

So stay in your comfort zone!

Staying inside your comfort zone doesn’t mean you won’t be successful. In fact, you can harness your ambition in your comfort zone, as long as your ambition is aligned with your natural inclination and not something you have to force yourself to do. Colonel Sanders, for instance, took his natural hatred for chickens and translated it into one of the world’s most successful fast-food chains.

He stayed in his chicken-slaughtering comfort zone.

In your own comfort zone you might mastermind a political coup or you might take a nap. If that’s your natural inclination, go for it. Or not. Whatever you’re comfortable with.

That’s the beauty of staying inside your comfort zone — you do exactly what you want to do. That’s empowerment!

But what if you’ve already stepped outside your comfort zone? How do you get back in? And can you drive there?

To find your comfort zone, you first need to prepare some comfort food, settle into a comfy chair, and cover up with a warm comforter. A great place to do this is at the Comfort Inn.

Now that you’re comfortable, visualize a place where you’re most happy and relaxed. Can you see it? Can you smell it? It smells like cinnamon buns, doesn’t it? Welcome to your comfort zone. Come on in. Help yourself to the mini-bar.

Now the trick is to stay there. First, make sure nothing challenges your belief system. Don’t read newspapers. Watch only television entertainment “news” and listen exclusively to commercial radio.

Avoid mirrors, especially in the morning when you might have to look yourself in the eye.

Follow these simple steps and you can spend your full life inside your comfort zone.

Your Comfort Zone: Be All That You Are Being.

*

This is a piece I wrote several years ago. As I am currently proofreading report cards and listening to year-end school speeches, I thought I would resurrect it.

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About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
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45 Responses to Are you in the zone?

  1. Paul says:

    So, let me see if I got this – proof reading report cards and listening to speeches is in your comfort zone? ๐Ÿ˜€

    As an aside Ross, I did a guest post over at Cordelia’s Mom http://cordeliasmomstill.com/2015/06/22/comedy-by-winters-moon-guest-post-by-paul-curran/comment-page-1/#comment-11696 If you have the time, I’d be honored for you to drop by. Thanks! ๐Ÿ˜€

    • rossmurray1 says:

      I’ve just heard the phrase too, too many times in the past week or so. In the past 10 years or so.
      I’ll check you out, Paul.

      • Paul says:

        i was just teasing Ross. In reality I agree. I have often thought that people should focus on their strengths – their comfort zone. I think this is an issue with our higher education system too – too much emphasis on focusing on weaknesses and not enough on strengths. Mind you there will be times when you have to bite the bullet – like teachers who love teaching may find themselves grading. Such is life.

  2. James says:

    This is the most sensible advice I’ve ever read. I’m heading right back to my comfort zone today and I’m never leaving again!

  3. This is why babies scream. They want someone to put them back in. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Did you get Bob Ross painting his happy trees in Canada? He was definitely in his comfort zone. We should be like Bob Ross, as long as we don’t stab ourselves in the eyes with our brushes.

  5. Actually, it’s IN my comfort zone where there be dragons. I own at least, and without exaggeration, a thousand of them.

  6. pinklightsabre says:

    And I haven’t seen you post on a Monday for a while, if I’m accurate — which must have been awkward and uncomfortable in some respects. Like typing personal notes in these plain, white boxes. Perhaps they oughtn’t be personal then.

  7. Trent Lewin says:

    Now this is a veritable call to arms, an undeniable rallying car to stay exactly where we are – forever. Hey, as long as there’s a bottle of scotch within reach, I’m all good. Comfort zone, here I come. Now pass the beer nuts.

  8. Elyse says:

    *Ommmm* My only concern is that I am not sure I spelled it right …

  9. List of X says:

    Yeah, but what if your comfort zone keeps moving around?

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