In her sequel to her bestselling The Disposable Date and The Travel-Size Engagement, Gladenia asks the hard questions about wedded life: is love forever; is mustard a vegetable; is Wednesday garbage day? Through the ongoing adventures and interminable foot rubs of Alex and Sandy, Cape Brangeline’s most androgynous newlyweds, Gladenia uses her trademark wit and hand-me-down tweezers to concoct a tale that will leave the reader positively lopsided with inner ear problems. An Oprah’s Bratwurst Club selection.
The Scampy Old Broad Who Didn’t Drool or Anything
By Bjorn Bjornbjornsonbjorn
A bestseller in 16 countries and an okayseller in seven more, The Scampy Old Broad (as it’s known for short, or SOB, as it’s known for even shorter, or S, as it’s known by the ridiculously vague) is another in the wildly popular and mildly condescending GrannyLit genre. Translated from the Swedish into Dutch, back into Swedish and then into English, SOB is a talcum-dusted tale of deceptively spry geriatrics who escape from a seniors home and inadvertently join ISIS. Worth the price of the book just for the chapter, “Beheading? I Thought You Said ‘Bed-Wetting’!”
I Never Promised You a Baumgarten
By Irene Feinstein
You won’t be able to put down Feinstein’s semi-fictional, quasi-functional love letter to Tracadie, Nova Scotia, in the 1960s, where she and her family were the only Jews within a 70-mile radius. I dare you; just try to put it down. Go ahead. Oh. That was easy. Anyway, Baumgarten tells of Myra, a 16-year-old on the verge of womanhood but still unable to broindle a glovnik, much to her shame. Will her meddling Bubbe find a nice, good-looking hoyzbrott for her in time for the Coal-Mine Mother-Daughter Lobster Fishing Ceilidh? Filled with colourful ethnic characters and possibly made-up words, Baumgarten will fulfil its promise – to devloitin!
My Air-Brushed Life
By Feta McBride
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll get blistering sunburns from lying out in the sun too long reading this madcap romp about Angus Doily, a middle-aged photo-retouching technician living with cataracts and looking for love, or – worst case – squinting for seduction. (Available only in large-print and audiobook.)
By Chuck C. Hoolihan
This is the first in Hoolihan’s mildly successful “Quartz Eater” series. The novel is set in a dystopian future where the world government has convinced citizens they’re living in chaos and repression, when really things aren’t that bad, honestly. A young hero emerges from the Darkness That Is Not Actually So Dark, claiming knowledge of the long forbidden Muus-Hik that is said to charm men’s souls, and chicks apparently dig it too. Joined by a ragtag band of reprobates and an allotment of orphans, he sets off for the mythical Mountain of Deuw, where other ragtag bands are said to gather to celebrate Muus-Hik and sell overpriced souvenir T-shirts. Followed by seven sequels: Virulent, Itinerant, Petulant, Flatulent, Expectorant, Elephant and Say Hi To Your Mom.
The Bronchial Addendum
By Lubin Bunsen
The action never stops in this Guy Maddis spy thriller. Well, it does stop eventually, when the book is over. Everything is finite, after all. Even us, though we choose to ignore the fact. We’re all just passing flecks of dust on the raging river of time. When you think about it, none of us will be remembered, nothing matters, all is meaningless. Why do we even bother?… So anyway, The Bronchial Addendum has tons of sex.
This piece originally appeared in Life in Quebec Magazine.