Your summer reading Guido

BookStackThe Collapsible Marriage
By Gwen Gladenia

In her sequel to her bestselling The Disposable Date and The Travel-Size Engagement, Gladenia asks the hard questions about wedded life: is love forever; is mustard a vegetable; is Wednesday garbage day? Through the ongoing adventures and interminable foot rubs of Alex and Sandy, Cape Brangeline’s most androgynous newlyweds, Gladenia uses her trademark wit and hand-me-down tweezers to concoct a tale that will leave the reader positively lopsided with inner ear problems. An Oprah’s Bratwurst Club selection.

The Scampy Old Broad Who Didn’t Drool or Anything
By Bjorn Bjornbjornsonbjorn

A bestseller in 16 countries and an okayseller in seven more, The Scampy Old Broad (as it’s known for short, or SOB, as it’s known for even shorter, or S, as it’s known by the ridiculously vague) is another in the wildly popular and mildly condescending GrannyLit genre. Translated from the Swedish into Dutch, back into Swedish and then into English, SOB is a talcum-dusted tale of deceptively spry geriatrics who escape from a seniors home and inadvertently join ISIS. Worth the price of the book just for the chapter, “Beheading? I Thought You Said ‘Bed-Wetting’!”

I Never Promised You a Baumgarten
By Irene Feinstein

You won’t be able to put down Feinstein’s semi-fictional, quasi-functional love letter to Tracadie, Nova Scotia, in the 1960s, where she and her family were the only Jews within a 70-mile radius. I dare you; just try to put it down. Go ahead. Oh. That was easy. Anyway, Baumgarten tells of Myra, a 16-year-old on the verge of womanhood but still unable to broindle a glovnik, much to her shame. Will her meddling Bubbe find a nice, good-looking hoyzbrott for her in time for the Coal-Mine Mother-Daughter Lobster Fishing Ceilidh? Filled with colourful ethnic characters and possibly made-up words, Baumgarten will fulfil its promise – to devloitin!

My Air-Brushed Life
By Feta McBride

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll get blistering sunburns from lying out in the sun too long reading this madcap romp about Angus Doily, a middle-aged photo-retouching technician living with cataracts and looking for love, or – worst case – squinting for seduction. (Available only in large-print and audiobook.)

Recalcitrant
By Chuck C. Hoolihan

This is the first in Hoolihan’s mildly successful “Quartz Eater” series. The novel is set in a dystopian future where the world government has convinced citizens they’re living in chaos and repression, when really things aren’t that bad, honestly. A young hero emerges from the Darkness That Is Not Actually So Dark, claiming knowledge of the long forbidden Muus-Hik that is said to charm men’s souls, and chicks apparently dig it too. Joined by a ragtag band of reprobates and an allotment of orphans, he sets off for the mythical Mountain of Deuw, where other ragtag bands are said to gather to celebrate Muus-Hik and sell overpriced souvenir T-shirts. Followed by seven sequels: Virulent, Itinerant, Petulant, Flatulent, Expectorant, Elephant and Say Hi To Your Mom.

The Bronchial Addendum
By Lubin Bunsen

The action never stops in this Guy Maddis spy thriller. Well, it does stop eventually, when the book is over. Everything is finite, after all. Even us, though we choose to ignore the fact. We’re all just passing flecks of dust on the raging river of time. When you think about it, none of us will be remembered, nothing matters, all is meaningless. Why do we even bother?… So anyway, The Bronchial Addendum has tons of sex.

*

This piece originally appeared in Life in Quebec Magazine.

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About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
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29 Responses to Your summer reading Guido

  1. BuntyMcC says:

    I’m insulted; I liked the 100 year old man (the book.)

    • rossmurray1 says:

      First of all, don’t be insulted. We’re just having a little fun here.
      Second, the 100-Year-Old-Etc. was… okay, a little too global-Forrest-Gump for me and by the end I was feeling “I get it…” More recently, though, I tried The Little Old Lady Who Broke All the Rules and had to abandon it. I found it ridiculous — which is fine but it was also bland and not funny. These empowered seniors are quaint and all but, well, old age is far from that.
      Man, this just got serious!

  2. Paul says:

    I’m trying to think of something witty to contribute as a comment , and I have failed miserably. Perhaps the next post. 😀

  3. Dina Honour says:

    You forgot 49 Shades of Irony, in which the collection of satirical blog posts is more entertaining and better written than 9/10th of the NYT Bestseller list.

  4. “Squinting for seduction.” Such filth. I thought this was a family blog!

  5. pinklightsabre says:

    Dude face, don’t stop. This shit’s dense like some bratwurst I don’t want to know the origin. I sit here smirking at you in the near-dark and think you’re the bomb. Someone get a bucket so we can put it out!

  6. franhunne4u says:

    I hardly ever read books that are “all the rage” – so when I read your comment to book no. 1 you had me fooled, I took that for serious and all I wondered about was why a male reads a serial rom-com-book.
    But maybe it is too early for me, I went to bed late and this day is all rainy and grey and it is the last week of my hols.

  7. Trent Lewin says:

    GrannyLit… squinting for seduction… tons (it’s tonnes you Canadian!) of sex… I think you should actually write these books. Or just combine them into one book, that would be bugnuts.

  8. Tez says:

    After the first book on the list, I was excitedly ready to copy it so I could buy the books on Amazon. Then I encountered the author Bjorn Bjornbjornsonbjorn and my BS antenna was activated. I closed the door on my optimism that a new genre devoted to seniors lit had been born (or, rather Bjorn) and happily followed you down the path of wit, irony and a nice dose of sark.
    Oh, if you ever meet Angus Doily, please let me know because I am looking for someone just like him but my squint prevents me from recognising anyone let alone the possible love of my remaining short life.

  9. these synopses are so thorough that I don’t feel the need to read any of the books. What a relief! I read the NY Times Book Review for the same reason.

  10. BuntyMcC says:

    I got an email that you’d posted about “no i in ego” but the link is a dud.

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