I have hot button issues

Don’t worry, my American friends, you don’t have the market cornered on right-wing boobery. Canada is in the midst of a federal election campaign — 78 days — which is the metric equivalent of 2 American years. There has never been a campaign this long in Canada. We like our campaigns like we like our sex: painlessly gotten over with and no one particularly pleased with the results.

Some have said our incumbent PM Harper is hankering for an American-style system, which is why he made this campaign longer than usual. (See also “Canadian sex; longer than usual.”) The content of his campaign also seems to emulate the knee-jerk strategies of U.S. politics — emphasis on “jerk.”

There is the nonsensical debate over whether women should be allowed to wear the niqab when taking a citizenship oath — an issue that affects maybe three people a year. Granted, 3 is also the population of Winnipeg.

And then last week, the Tories said they would set up an RCMP hotline so you could squeal on your neighbours for carrying out “barbaric cultural practices.” Throw that hashtag in Twitter and see just how successful that thought balloon was.

How did Canadians get so angry? Why are we so duped by these hot button issues? Why am I asking you?

Here’s my latest piece for CBC Radio “Breakaway,” in which I get all my crankies out.

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About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
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29 Responses to I have hot button issues

  1. pinklightsabre says:

    “Bill from Seattle.” This is really weird. I’m sitting here in bed in Germany listening to you and these goddamned birds outside (one of my hot buttons) and just heard my name called out in the Internet, from you. Yes, good luck getting the government you deserve. I hope I’m the only Bill from Seattle, at least for the next blogging cycle.

  2. Ned's Blog says:

    “Taylor Swift from America” — That was mean. I’m writing a song about you called “When did our hot button grow cold?”

  3. Carrie Rubin says:

    Hehe, I’m still snickering over the sex comparison and the population of Winnipeg.

  4. Paul says:

    Harper is comparing his government to the Liberals – when the polling shows it to be a 3-way race. In my riding The NDP candidate – Emilie- is a government lawyer who works for PSAC. She asked for an unpaid leave of absence to run for NDP . Her bosses refused to give her time off so she quit to run. Bastards – she’s got my vote. Sorry – hot button issue.

  5. goldfish says:

    Thanks for doing the metric conversion from American to Canadian days. I am, after all, just another stupid American.

  6. ksbeth says:

    i suppose ‘jerk’ is the key word here when tied in with your description of canadian sex. i’m sure i’ve partaken in barbaric cultural practices in the past, like drinking green beer on st. pat’s day as an homage to half of my heritage and overcooked my pasta, way past al dente, when trying to honor the italian half of my heritage. i wonder if my neighbors are aware….

  7. List of X says:

    Unfortunately, I can’t listen to the audio on my phone, so there is no way for me to tell if you’ve already used the jokes about seeking immediate help if your election lasts more than 4 months, or about calling RCMP to report a barbaric practice of uniformed armed people exploiting horses by sitting and riding on their backs.

  8. There are way more than 3 people living in Winnipeg… but only 3 of them are happy living there! It’s cold. And when it’s not cold, the mosquitoes will totally swarm and kill you.

  9. What is all this fuss I hear about Barbecue Cultural Practices? It boils my buns that we are against something so Canadian as the truly Canadian cultural practice of barbecuing. We are going to deny those three people in Winnipeg their chance to barbecue? What are they going to do during the 10 months of winter when… what?….sorry?….Barbaric?……

    Nevermind.

    ~Emily Litella

  10. markbialczak says:

    What, you worry? Get it out, Ross. Hot buttons know no boundaries, it seems.

  11. Could still be worse though. At least you don’t have Trump.

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