50 phrases I didn’t hear on my 50th birthday


Finally, I can get in!

  1. Preternaturally young looking
  2. “50 is the new 49.”
  3. “How lucky to have been born in the sixties but have absolutely no memories of them.”
  4. Wunderkind
  5. “Take the day off.”
  6. Uncannily virile
  7. “Not everyone is so confident in their firmly established fashion choices year after year, but you…”
  8. “Prime Minister Trudeau on Line 1.”
  9. “So you’re the guy who told Madonna, ‘Try the cones’…”
  10. “The last 10 years sure have crawled by, eh?”
  11. “I don’t care what anyone says, the skin on your neck couldn’t possibly be described as ‘crepe-like.’”
  12. “No, keep singing Toto’s greatest hits. I like it!”
  13. Career opportunities
  14. “I know what’ll make you feel better: look up your hugely successful classmates on Facebook.”
  15. “Excuse me, aren’t you Bradley Cooper?”
  16. “Sorry, I can’t change a hundred-dollar”
  17. A certain gravitas
  18. “Swear to God, Ross, I thought you were dead!”
  19. “Honestly, you can never have too many moles.”
  20. Goodie bags
  21. “No, really, I like the slippers.”
  22. “Let’s skip.”
  23. “It gets better.”
  24. “You should totally go on SnapChat, sir.”
  25. “My recommendation to you: more saturated fats.”
  26. “Can I see some ID, please?”
  27. Trump-like poise
  28. “Those journal entries from your teen years, you should definitely publish them.”
  29. “There’s something sexy about a man in progressive lenses.”
  30. “I’d like to personally thank you and everyone of your generation for fulfilling your promise to make the world a better place.”
  31. “Wanna make out?”
  32. “This is a golden era for middle-aged white guys.”
  33. “Your liver spots are coming in nicely.”
  34. “Grey is good.”
  35. The colon of a 20-year-old
  36. “I can’t wait to be 50!”
  37. “Tell us again about glass milk bottles and home delivery.”
  38. “No, I don’t think you need to have that checked.”
  39. “Most people are just hitting their creative peak at 50.”
  40. “I wouldn’t exactly use the word ‘shriveled.’”
  41. “My God, it’s 3 in the morning! Would you stop dancing and go to bed!”
  42. People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive!
  43. AARP Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive!
  44. Sprightly
  45. “No, it’s not your fault; I was mumbling.”
  46. “Oh, that’s better. It was just the way the light was hitting your face.”
  47. “Really, people, those ‘Depends’ jokes are unacceptable.”
  48. “Go ahead. Self-pity is adorable!”
  49. “Grow a ponytail? Absolutely.”
  50. “Mr. Murray, the parade is about to begin.”

About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
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51 Responses to 50 phrases I didn’t hear on my 50th birthday

  1. ksbeth says:

    happy half century, ross. here’s to making it to a full 100! yikes –

  2. I’ve been working on a ponytail. It’s not a good look. On you I’m sure it would work.

  3. sweetsound says:

    Trump-like poise. Hahaha

  4. Barry says:

    Welcome to my current decade! There are some downsides but on the whole . . . best decade yet. You’ll love it here.

  5. When I turned 50, I looked in the mirror and asked, “What’s this young kid doing looking out of this old face?”
    and you’re now old enough call the Prime Minister yourself and expect to be connected right away. They won’t connect you, but you won’t face the same charges as a 30 year-old…

  6. Liz says:

    You don’t look a day over 47! And forget the ponytail, it’s all about the man bun. This was hilarious – happy, happy birthday and here’s to many more years of that Ross Murray Wit.

  7. Happy birthday! I’m right behind you. Only a few more years to go. GAH! I happen to think progressive lenses are super sexy on a man. But then I’m blind as a bat so…

  8. franhunne4u says:

    Bah, 50 – that is nothing – try being … uhm .. 51 …

  9. Fifty and foxy!! How’s that for one? Okay, how about fifty and funny…cause there’s no denying that one.

  10. maral44 says:

    Wishing you another 50 yrs! Your future blog post “100 things I’ve seen on my 100th birthday” might well include some predictions like the live-in robot caregiver, permanent human presence on Mars, and Ella Grace Trudeau being elected PM…

  11. Cheyanne says:

    Hahahahahahaha this had me choking on my coffee! thank you very much. And Happy Birthday!!! 🙂

  12. dankyle65 says:

    Great, as always!!!

  13. pinklightsabre says:

    The Madonna and the cones was my favourite. Why, why, WHY? She was utterly perfect until that La Isla Bonita period. And you were too, probably. You’re past perfect now.

  14. Tez says:

    I’ve just hit the big 70 myself and I have no idea how I got here. My daughter explained that the 70s decade means being ‘dazed and confused’ so I’m in the right place (at last). I explained to her that she might want to be more respectful (especially with regard to the, “at last” remark) because she will be the one that receives the phone call from the police and social services about the crazy lady who needs to be picked up asap. She gulped. Hard.

    Nevertheless, this growing up business is weird and there’s nothing we can do about it, except
    embrace the bizarre as a birthday gift and have a good old knees up with the people you love. Happy birthday, Ross, and many more to follow.

  15. I aspire to the colon of a 20-year old. Kids, don’t take your colons for granted!

    (And btw, being over 50 isn’t so bad; people start cutting you some slack because you seem feeble. Take advantage of it.)

  16. Dina Honour says:

    Happy birthday! And I’m sure your colon does’t look a day over 45. 🙂

  17. Happy Birthday!!! So, does that mean you’re growing a ponytail? Do it!

  18. Elyse says:

    Lots of things get better after 50. But as I’m closing in on 60, I can no loner recall precisely what they are.

    (happy Birthday!)

  19. I’ve been away for a holiday and have’t had a chance to do any bloggy stuff for a while and am just now catching up. These are absolutely hysterical. Belated habby burf day fishes to you. You should get a sports car and date an Asian girl half your age named Yum-Yum. That’d be a dignified way to enter a new decade.

  20. Letizia says:

    That “50+ club” photo is so funny – it looks rocking, haha! Hope you had a great birthday, Ross!

  21. markbialczak says:

    I did the ponytail for a couple of months at 40, Ross. Bad look even then. But way better than it would have been a decade later! Happy half century, my friend. As I march closer to 60 (egads), I truly envy your 50!

  22. Pingback: Weekly Reader #32: Where the River Flows Edition | Tangerine Wallpaper

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