Sometimes you have to know when to give up. I’m a humorist. I used to write serious newspaper editorials, and it still blows my mind how I could churn out clear logic and rhetoric on deadline week after week. And that was on top of all the regular news stories I had to write. Ah, to be 30 again… And over-caffeinated…
But one of the perks of leaving journalism was I no longer had to take things seriously. No, seriously! I still have convictions, of course, though most of the time I keep them to myself. Sometimes they creep into my work as satire. When that happens, it’s not so much writing as catharsis.
This past week, I had to come up with copy for my regular audio contribution to CBC Radio’s “Breakaway.” I was working and working on a piece about how the Syrian refugees heading for Quebec’s major cities should actually come to small towns like mine. We do potlucks!
The problem was, it wasn’t quite satire. In fact, I actually think this is a good idea. All those churches for sale around here: fixer-upper mosques!
In other words, it wasn’t that funny. I try to do funny. The more I pushed at it to make it funny, the more frustrated and depressed I became. That is not conducive to funny.
Finally, I gave up. Deadline was looming. Believe me, folks: deadlines work miracles. Here, instead, is what I came up with: nonsense about pre-Christmas shopping and funny voices. Once I committed myself to nonsense, I wrote it in no time. I got out of my own way — quite literally; rather than just me, I created personas to speak on my behalf. Which is great because, as I’ve said before, I do get tired of myself sometimes. Thank you, comedy!
The Syrians still made it in, by the way. Also: I talk about something called a Manbit.
Drinking Tips for Teens 
I so want the Aye Aye Phone!! I’m glad you were able to get out of your own way to write this.
Sort of tripped all over myself in the process but it got done.
I needed this, like a good nougat packed full of sweets, and nuts. Thank you, maestro.
A couple of flakes in there, no doubt. Thanks, Beeeell. (Trying on a Spanish accent.)
Where can I get a Manbit? I need 10, one for me and my sisters and one for my daughters and nieces. Best Christmas present ever!
Cruel Christmas. Hey, that sounds like a great song title!
Funny is a fickle bitch. I seem to have lost mine. It ran away with my pith and wit.
I think it’s dead sometimes but it’s only napping. Bordering on narcoleptic.
Yawn.
My little refugee doll. You’re brilliant.
Thanks. This is what happens when you combine two topical subjects. It’s a coleslaw of comedy, folks!!!
Don’t let Donald Trump get one of these dolls. He’ll do an Ozzie and bite its head off.
One man’s clear logic and rhetoric is another man’s ball of confusion. Perspective, sir!
It’s a shame you feel constrained by levity. Can’t you churn out a serious piece once in a while or isn’t that what the CBC contracted for?
“Hey, Jerry Lewis, why don’t you make a movie about a clown in a concentration camp?”
Actually, it’s a good question. I think it’s because there is so much noise out there, most of it over-earnest and angry and convinced of its own truth. I think most black-and-white issues are grey as can be. So those convictions I speak of, perhaps I don’t have full confidence in them, which says something about my personality, perhaps. I mean, look how many times I’ve said “I think” and “perhaps” in this comment alone!
Even when answering a serious inquiry, you can’t resist tweaking it so a laugh is had. I’d say it’s part of your DNA and something that can’t be fought.
Was just about to add a P.S.: my editorials never had “I think” or “perhaps.” I could scold with the best of them, baby!
I think I’ll buy a My Little Refugee and give it to my daughter this Christmas. She’s going to college next year, so she can take it with her. Win-Win.
It is a good idea. I like how you still worked it in here. Nice work.
Waste not etc.
Where do I go to get a my-little-refugee doll? Are these only available in Quebec???
Yes, but they’re currently on back-order.
“My name is Louie.” I snorted out-loud with that one. This was awesome.
I was worried that might be too subtle. Hey! Thanks for listening!
I think it was because it was so subtle that I found it so funny. I like comedy that makes you pay attention, and that was one of those, ‘if you weren’t listening, you completely missed it’ things.