Bad Black Friday Ideas

  • Shooters for Shoppers: 40% off on selected items; 40% alcohol in gulp-size portions
  • “We’ve eliminated janitorial services and passed the savings on to YOU!”
  • Extra 10% off for all men sexier than Blake Shelton (limited to the first 10,000 customers)
  • Target’s Mega-Colossal Black Friday Blowout Extravaganza With Marbles On The Floor!!!
  • Extra 90% off for all men who can prove they have never engaged in sexually inappropriate behaviour
  • Purchase a Sony 54-inch LED HDTV for $489.99, get a bonus used sponge
  • Post your most violent shopping video and win a year’s supply of pretzels. #punchingforpretzels
  • Zero Down, Zero Interest, Zero Fulfilment!
  • IKEA’s “You Know What’s Cheaper Than Buying at 20% Off? Buying Nothing At All!” Sale
  • Rite-Aid’s ‘Lozenges of the Stars’ diorama
  • 10% off things you think you need; 20% off things you definitely don’t need
  • Apple Store’s ritualized shaming of iPhone6 users
  • “We’ve Slashed Our Prices! Our Employees Are Literally Running With Sharp Knives! Look Out!”
  • Free toaster for anyone turning 52 today, though you’d never know it to look at them
  • Free shipping for narcissists
  • “Islands In The Stream” on infinite loop throughout the store
  • 15% off gifts your spouse is probably going to hate anyway
  • Buy 1 particle accelerator, get the second at 50% off (some restrictions and laws of physics apply)
  • Black Friday in Canada
  • Black Friday in general
  • #BlackFridaysMatter

About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
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19 Responses to Bad Black Friday Ideas

  1. markbialczak says:

    We Forgot What Our Prices Were Yesterday and Can’t Promise They Won’t Be Lower Tomorrow Extravaganza! Stay safe, Ross.

  2. #BlackFridaysMatter – classic!!

  3. ksbeth says:

    i love to be a part of the crazy lines for some reason. bonding in excitement and agony. says a lot about me perhaps. ))

  4. Suspending janitorial services is a great idea, the stampeding hordes will sweep most of the trash and lost toddlers into the parking lots anyway.
    I don’t venture into the malls, but looking forward my village’s Running of the Turkeys. Some think this custom is barbaric, but we enjoy it, a lot of truckers come down from the Thruway to participate, and afterwards everyone pitches in and gathers up all the feathers, to make those imitation Canada Goose jackets.

  5. I’m not a sale shopper. Actually, I’m not a shopper. Only when I have to. Great bad ideas!

  6. Sheila Moss says:

    I wondered if you have Black Friday in Canada. Someone tells me they have them in the UK, but no Thanksgiving.

  7. pinklightsabre says:

    The world has black Friday now. See: thank America. Never miss an opportunity…

  8. A sponge?

    I love the Samsung commercials that shame Apple users. Very effective.

    Nice work on the hash tag. It’s the first time I’ve seen that tie-in. It’s so funny and so obvious that someone had to say it.

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