- Shooters for Shoppers: 40% off on selected items; 40% alcohol in gulp-size portions
- “We’ve eliminated janitorial services and passed the savings on to YOU!”
- Extra 10% off for all men sexier than Blake Shelton (limited to the first 10,000 customers)
- Target’s Mega-Colossal Black Friday Blowout Extravaganza With Marbles On The Floor!!!
- Extra 90% off for all men who can prove they have never engaged in sexually inappropriate behaviour
- Purchase a Sony 54-inch LED HDTV for $489.99, get a bonus used sponge
- Post your most violent shopping video and win a year’s supply of pretzels. #punchingforpretzels
- Zero Down, Zero Interest, Zero Fulfilment!
- IKEA’s “You Know What’s Cheaper Than Buying at 20% Off? Buying Nothing At All!” Sale
- Rite-Aid’s ‘Lozenges of the Stars’ diorama
- 10% off things you think you need; 20% off things you definitely don’t need
- Apple Store’s ritualized shaming of iPhone6 users
- “We’ve Slashed Our Prices! Our Employees Are Literally Running With Sharp Knives! Look Out!”
- Free toaster for anyone turning 52 today, though you’d never know it to look at them
- Free shipping for narcissists
- “Islands In The Stream” on infinite loop throughout the store
- 15% off gifts your spouse is probably going to hate anyway
- Buy 1 particle accelerator, get the second at 50% off (some restrictions and laws of physics apply)
- Black Friday in Canada
- Black Friday in general
A Hole in the Ground – A Novel
- The heartbreak of creativity: a public service announcement
- If I sue, will it be in litter-gation?
- What to do in the event you wake up Tuesday morning and Stephen Harper is still Prime Minister
- I am carrying this live skunk to protest everything Donald Trump stands for
- This land is my land, or how do you make a Nippising?
- Searching for the parental sweet spot
I say the tweetest thingsMy Tweets