Song of the Virtuous Isolator

Who’s that out walking?
I’m looking to see
Are they stretching their legs
Or just out for a spree?
Are they friends from two houses
Or one family?
I am ready to judge from my door

Look, in that driveway,
They’re standing too near
Only five feet apart
And they’re both drinking beer
Gasp! The virus could leap
All the way over here!
I think I should call the police.

I see you next door
Trying not to be seen
Raking leaves off your lawn
While you’re in quarantine
For you just spent two months
Down in St. Augustine
While I was stuck here with the snow

I’m shocked at the people
Out wandering the street
When we know that inside’s
How this virus we’ll beat
I’m amazed at the number
Of people I meet
When I’m taking a walk for my health

So I put on my gloves
And I put on my mask
Yes, my mask ‘cause it’s
Safer than none, since you ask
And I head out with care
To complete my small task
‘Cause those scratch tickets won’t buy themselves

Who’s that on the sidewalk?
Should they be outside?
They are walking toward me
Should I step aside?
And now they are passing
I kindly say hi
But I do so while holding my breath

The number of people
Out shopping is scary
They’re picking up goods
And the germs strangers carry
But my shopping trip, though,
It is quite necessary
For cat food is five for a dollar

I’ve seen shoppers raiding
The grocers like hell
As they emptied the stockpiles
Of all the stores sell
Such as hand sanitizer
And bulk Cottonelle
Though I bought some myself (to be safe)

That dude by the produce
Looks kind of in shock to me
Sweaty and pale
As he fondles the broccoli
He’s standing too close
Goodness! Please do not talk to me!
Oops, it’s just me in the mirror

I’m buying essentials
To tide myself through
Only things that won’t perish
Like rice and beans too
No, I’m not like this guy
With six cases of Blue
Plus he’s blocking my way to the chocolate

Now I’m wiping things down
Back in self-isolation
And resuming what now is
My main occupation:
The judging of others
And rationalization
Safely within home sweet home

About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."
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23 Responses to Song of the Virtuous Isolator

  1. Yes.
    Sad. True. All of it. 😐

    Very talented!

  2. Ha! Loving most your near-rhyme of “shock to me” and “broccoli!” Good luck with those scratch tickets!

  3. The Masked Cat in the Hat Comes Back. At least it’s a perfect year for cats – those staring, sanctimonious creatures, a plague o’ them & their mouses – our models of aloofness. Although my cat has always enjoyed chicken more than carping. I agree, the rhyme with broccoli is excellent, the whole poem is full of fiber and folic acidity, and you don’t meet a rhyme every day with sell/bulk Cottonelle, or spree/family. I’m popping my quinine pills, this was a nice supplement of vitriol and acerbic acid.

  4. I’ve never seen so many people suddenly taken an interesting in going out for a stroll. What’s next? Bookstores reopen and TV ratings dip?

  5. Trent Lewin says:

    Don’t judge me, dude. And stop looking through the crack of a door at me like that! I’ve been self-isolating! Being good! Wearing masks! I don’t judge no one!

  6. beth says:

    corona dr. seuss

  7. Swinged Cat says:

    But what can you do
    With a corona haiku?

  8. “And now they are passing
    I kindly say hi
    But I do so while holding my breath”
    That’s what my brother is doing to me these days while I am at home isolation. (I tested positive!) But I enjoy that scene, rare scenes when he is scared of me.
    Enjoyed your poem.

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