Category Archives: Canada and/or Quebec

When my barber retires, I’m out of here

Data released this month revealed that more people are leaving Quebec than arriving. This came the same week that the provincial legislature unanimously passed a motion ostensibly discouraging Quebec merchants (read: Montreal merchants) from saying “Bonjour-hi” to customers. I sense … Continue reading

Posted in Canada and/or Quebec | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Stop it, Canada, you’re embarrassing me!

My 16-year-old was watching a movie on her tablet. I hovered over her shoulder until the scene ended in a surge of hip-hop. It was something by, I don’t know, L’il Change Purse or Jimmy Jimmy Jam Jam, a tune … Continue reading

Posted in Canada and/or Quebec | Tagged , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

Spook-ular values: A Halloween parable

It started with a body on a bus. This was followed by a second body on a bus. The interval between the discoveries was so brief that it felt like it couldn’t be a coincidence, though it proved to be … Continue reading

Posted in Canada and/or Quebec, Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

The ghost of Stuart McLean describes Canada’s summer of 2017

For optimal effect, please read aloud in front of an enthusiastic live audience of your choosing. It’s a beautiful morning. The kind of morning that makes you want to leap out of bed, put on an old record and wake … Continue reading

Posted in Canada and/or Quebec, Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Reasons why my moustache is the most Canadian thing

Canada and my moustache are young. Canada is only 150 years old. My moustache is only five days old. Canada and my moustache were born out of necessity. Canada was created as a means of establishing an east-west alliance between … Continue reading

Posted in Canada and/or Quebec, It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

In which I enter a literary contest and don’t expect to win, but still

November There is no way – no way in hell – that a self-published novel, no matter how passable, will win a literary contest. Especially if that novel has a cover that looks like someone left it in a damp … Continue reading

Posted in Canada and/or Quebec, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

New Pot for Old Farts: A Guide

So, you’ve decided you’re going to start smoking pot again. Congratulations! First, though, stop calling it “pot.” These days, the cool kids call it “weed,” and that’s 30 percent the point of this entire exercise, right? To be cool again, … Continue reading

Posted in Canada and/or Quebec, It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , , | 44 Comments