Category Archives: Holidays

Absolute Worst Christmas Tea & Bazaar

Come one, come all, come those paying in hoarded pennies to the Annual Christmas Tea & Bazaar this Saturday at the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Ennui. We’ve recently lowered the ceiling of our fluorescent-lit basement hall to allow … Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , | 25 Comments

Don’t be such a martyr, it’s All Saints Day!

Saint Tarafa the Putrid The Holy Hottie of Hungary, Tarafa the Putrid was named Saint of the Year in 1089, winning over the critics and plague-ridden alike with her hit song “Jesus May Have Come to Me (But I Wish … Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Never Happened | Tagged , , , | 12 Comments

The Pantsing: A Halloween Tale

Detective Marilyn Grendel took a drag off her cigarette like a teenage boy giving a hickey. She flicked the spent butt to the ground with a loathing usually reserved for relatives who owe you money. Adjusting her three-dollar blazer over … Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Never Happened | Tagged , , , | 32 Comments

The Wearing of the Ochre, or Happy St. Pablo’s Day!

I recently received the results of my ancestry DNA testing, and in addition to 70 percent of my genetic roots originating in Great Britain, and Scotland, I was very excited to learn that 12 percent of my genetic makeup springs … Continue reading

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Muddling through somehow

This past weekend, while suffering from CSPD – Collective Seasonal Psychosis Disorder – I called up a Christmas playlist on my phone. That’s dangerous, the random playlist, because you never know when they’ll play Pentatonix and ruin your whole Christmas. … Continue reading

Posted in Family - whadya gonna do?, Holidays | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

House decorations should be like me: simple and old

As a newly elected town councillor, my wife was invited to the town hall annual Christmas dinner, and as her spouse, I was invited along. That’s right: I was political arm candy, and I’ve never been prouder. Prior to leaving … Continue reading

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Revenge of the Thanksgiving turkey

Everyone? Everyone? Can I have your attention please? Uncle Charlie, stop palpating the pumpkins for just a minute. Kenny, if you could refrain from gnawing the charred carpet… Thank you. Can you all see me through the smoke? I’d like … Continue reading

Posted in Holidays | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments