Category Archives: It Could Happen…

Satire is stranger than truth which is stranger than fiction which is bigger than a breadbox.

Simply mad about the booze

It seems not even sobriety will be saved from enjoying a made-for-Instagram moment, with new hashtaggable terms like “mindful drinking” and “sober curious.” No longer do you have to feel left out or uncool for being sober. You maybe don’t … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

How not to die on Mount Everest

More than 300 people have died climbing Mount Everest over the past nearly 100 years. This season alone, the death toll has reached 11, primarily caused by overcrowded trails hindering oxygen-deprived climbers from ascending or descending. As a public service, … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , | 25 Comments

A Guide to the Toronto Raptors for Americans

A form of basketball was played by the Ojibwe people on Lake Ontario and went by the name of “beaktukk tagaka,” which, roughly translated, means “lacrosse played badly.” Almonte, Ontario native James Naismith “invented” basketball in 1891 by stealing it … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , | 19 Comments

Disaster scenarios ranked by my chances of survival

Zombie Apocalypse When the flesh-eating hoard inevitably swarms my home (hopefully, at first, making quick work of the neighbours who are always outside yelling and drinking and therefore easy prey), I stash myself in a virtually unfindable location, my small … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

Finding Inner Peace By Not Giving A Flying Fig About Professional Sports

Hello, brother. I couldn’t help but overhear you on this beautiful morning yelling at that squirrel about NFL officiating. If you would stop kicking gravel at the pigeons for a moment, I feel I can help you. Come, sit with … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Listen to your heart and other body parts

When I was initially recovering from prostate surgery, the common advice I got from people was, “Listen to your body.” This was not, of course, in a literal sense, although that could be fun too. (“Hey, kids, come here and … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , | 36 Comments

Absolute Worst Christmas Tea & Bazaar

Come one, come all, come those paying in hoarded pennies to the Annual Christmas Tea & Bazaar this Saturday at the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Ennui. We’ve recently lowered the ceiling of our fluorescent-lit basement hall to allow … Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , | 29 Comments