Category Archives: Never Happened

If brain begins leaking, apply pressure

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Demons

Posted on October 31, 2019 by

1. Be proactive One of the prime mistakes demons make is waiting for lusty teenagers to randomly stumble onto a Portal to Hell in the basement of an abandoned cabin. After all, when you’re a demon condemned for all eternity, … Continue reading →

Posted in Holidays, Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , | 8 Comments

Death of a Salesman: The Musical

Posted on October 7, 2019 by

A melody is heard, played upon a flute, telling of grass and trees and the horizon. The curtain rises. The flute melody fades abruptly, replaced by an upbeat tune as the CHORUS OF DANCING SALESMEN enter carrying sample cases. They … Continue reading →

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So your roommate is feasting on your soul…

Posted on September 12, 2019 by

Welcome, students, to another exciting year in residence! Living in rez is just one of the many amazing aspects of university life, and working together in a supportive, positive, inclusive atmosphere, we can make it a super-memorable experience for all! … Continue reading →

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Advice from my father

Posted on June 13, 2019 by

First be kind, then be tough. It is better to listen than to speak, smarter to think than to react. If you treat others with respect, they will respect you and your tentacle-like appendage. Master five good meal recipes. Know … Continue reading →

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , | 23 Comments

New law restricts a woman’s right to shoes

Posted on May 23, 2019 by

Fresh off the most hardline abortion legislation in generations, several US states are now planning to regulate not just what women can do with their bodies but what they can wear on them. Specifically, their feet. Alabama is the first … Continue reading →

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Thoughts on Avengers: End Tables (with more spoilers than a Stanstead car show)

Posted on May 2, 2019 by

When we last left our heroes in Avengers: Infinity Loop, the villainous Thermos had obtained all six Infinity Carbuncles and with a snap of his fingers had caused a waiter to appear with his bill. After heinously paying in coins … Continue reading →

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My March Madness take (since nobody asked)

Posted on March 21, 2019 by

March Madness basketball is upon us, and as in recent years, I will not be tuning in to the national college tournament because I have no cable, nor will I be following online because I try to restrict my screen … Continue reading →

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , | 13 Comments