Category Archives: Never Happened

If brain begins leaking, apply pressure

My March Madness take (since nobody asked)

March Madness basketball is upon us, and as in recent years, I will not be tuning in to the national college tournament because I have no cable, nor will I be following online because I try to restrict my screen … Continue reading

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Netflix “Originals”

Netflix’s ‘Russian Doll’: A Darker, Druggier ‘Groundhog Day’ – The Daily Beast, Feb. 1, 2019 ‘Bird Box’ Is The Netflix Version Of ‘A Quiet Place’- Zimbio, Dec. 27, 2018 The ‘Stranger Things’ Secret? It’s Basically an 8-Hour Spielberg Movie – … Continue reading

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I have cloned an army of viral gymnast Katelyn Ohashi to save humankind

They say I’m a madman. They say the risks of cloning an army of viral gymnast Katelyn Ohashi are too high. But I believe more strongly than I have ever believed anything in my life that the last, best hope … Continue reading

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Don’t be such a martyr, it’s All Saints Day!

Saint Tarafa the Putrid The Holy Hottie of Hungary, Tarafa the Putrid was named Saint of the Year in 1089, winning over the critics and plague-ridden alike with her hit song “Jesus May Have Come to Me (But I Wish … Continue reading

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The Pantsing: A Halloween Tale

Detective Marilyn Grendel took a drag off her cigarette like a teenage boy giving a hickey. She flicked the spent butt to the ground with a loathing usually reserved for relatives who owe you money. Adjusting her three-dollar blazer over … Continue reading

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Reply-all escalation

From: david.jones@bci.com| To: reg.carl@bci.com; staff@bci.com Subject: Re: News from Peggy Thanks for the update, Reg. Also, don’t forget to send me that link for the beard balm. ­—- Hi, everybody. Sorry for the reply-all. LOL. —- Hi again. Yes, I … Continue reading

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What your childhood home smelled like to your friends, and what that says about you

A kind of mushroomy odour, like shirts put away damp and then left in the drawer too long You are highly self-reliant, thought that sometimes comes across as arrogant and stand-offish, especially when you announce loudly, “Look how self-reliant I … Continue reading

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