A Hole in the Ground – A Novel
AVAILABLE THROUGH AMAZON OR BLURB.COM
-
Newish
Toppish
- The heartbreak of creativity: a public service announcement
- About
- If I sue, will it be in litter-gation?
- What to do in the event you wake up Tuesday morning and Stephen Harper is still Prime Minister
- I am carrying this live skunk to protest everything Donald Trump stands for
- This land is my land, or how do you make a Nippising?
- Home alone… with pets
I say the tweetest things
My TweetsOldish
Category Archives: Never Happened
The ghost of Stuart McLean describes Canada’s summer of 2017
For optimal effect, please read aloud in front of an enthusiastic live audience of your choosing. It’s a beautiful morning. The kind of morning that makes you want to leap out of bed, put on an old record and wake … Continue reading
Me, age 110, explaining the secret of my longevity
It’s so nice to have you reporterbots from GoogleThought drilling into my consciousness for an interview. I remember when I was a flesh reporter and I had to do these stories by actually talking to old people. Human contact was … Continue reading
Posted in Never Happened
Tagged 110 years old, aging, Donald Trump speech, Dystopia, Google, humor, longevity, Milk, satire, Secrets of longevity, senior ailments, Seniors, Trump
23 Comments
Our celebrity commencement speaker is unavailable
Madam Chancellor, distinguished guests, parents, Class of 2017: I know you are expecting me at this point to introduce our celebrity commencement speaker. After all, the least we can do after your three to five years of academic struggle and … Continue reading
Posted in Never Happened
Tagged celebrity, Commencement, David Letterman, graduation, humor, irony, Katy Perry, platitudes, satire, university commencement, Will Ferrell
21 Comments
Re: New guidelines for the coming in/going out of March
The management would like to inform you that, in accordance with our recently adopted policy on heightened inclusivity and respect for species fluidity, March is no longer exclusively required to come in like a lamb and go out like a … Continue reading
Trumps of Christmas Past
1 AD @realBethlehemTrump Just read Old Testament. Not good. God did very bad job. All smiting, zero job creation. New Testament will be world-class, trust me. Congratulations @HolyMary on fantastic birth. Great woman, totally a virgin. Shows what science knows … Continue reading
Posted in Holidays, Never Happened
Tagged A Christmas Carol, Christmas, Donald Trump, Ghost of Christmas Past, humor, mythology, post-truth, satire
33 Comments
Please support this thing that is more important than those other things
For far too long, our society has turned a blind eye to this thing. It’s outrageous. Disgusting. Poopy. When I think about what this thing is doing and sometimes what it is not doing and the people this thing is … Continue reading →