Category Archives: Never Happened

If brain begins leaking, apply pressure

But Ironically Not The Beatles

It’s a lousy time, in the middle of winter and a global pandemic, but we discovered this week that our house is infested with rock stars. These things happen in older homes. When we first moved in 25 years ago, … Continue reading

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It’s Not Over Until I Say It’s Not Over

I won that game of Monopoly on Boxing Day. I won. It’s as clear as anything I won. I had Park Place, I had Boardwalk, I had so many railroads you wouldn’t believe. I had many, many other very successful … Continue reading

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Worst of the Best of 2020 Lists

Best Albums 2020 End-of-year music lists are certainly common enough, but it’s hard to fathom what provoked the inclusion of such a list in Guns and Eggroll magazine. Moreover, the list is clearly tailored to enthusiasts of both military-grade assault … Continue reading

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Margaret Freaking Atwood Is Stopping By My House!

Holy crap! Margaret Atwood just called to ask if she could stop by. She heard about our Halloween pumpkin that looks like author Gabriel Garcia Marquez and she hoped she could see it. What could I do? I said yes, … Continue reading

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Night of the Living Fred

There are those who say that Fred will appear if you look into a mirror and recite your credit card number three times. But then the mirror indicates you need those three security numbers too, so you have to start … Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Never Happened | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments