Tag Archives: Commencement

Our celebrity commencement speaker is unavailable

Madam Chancellor, distinguished guests, parents, Class of 2017: I know you are expecting me at this point to introduce our celebrity commencement speaker. After all, the least we can do after your three to five years of academic struggle and … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Commencement address for the mid-forties set

Friends, guests, those of you who remember “Pong” and feel greater nostalgia for Wings than The Beatles, welcome. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your midlife. Webster’s Dictionary defines “midlife” as “something something the middle of life … Continue reading

Posted in Reading? Ugh! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments