Tag Archives: humor

Fear and loathing in auto repair

Dear Mr. Murray, As requested, we have given your automobile a thorough inspection and are pleased to report to you our findings. In a nutshell – or as we mechanics like to say, “in a DIN 6923 swivel flange nut” … Continue reading

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Our celebrity commencement speaker is unavailable

Madam Chancellor, distinguished guests, parents, Class of 2017: I know you are expecting me at this point to introduce our celebrity commencement speaker. After all, the least we can do after your three to five years of academic struggle and … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

One brief shining toilet

Last year, I moved into an office on the second floor because, logistically, logically, it made sense. Six months later, logisticallyer, logicallyer, it makes more sense for me to move back where I came from. It’s kind of like getting … Continue reading

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New Pot for Old Farts: A Guide

So, you’ve decided you’re going to start smoking pot again. Congratulations! First, though, stop calling it “pot.” These days, the cool kids call it “weed,” and that’s 30 percent the point of this entire exercise, right? To be cool again, … Continue reading

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The Real Fate of the Furious

Short-term spike in blood pressure Tell-tale spittle droplets on conference room table Uncomfortable silence from co-workers Promise from supervisor in soothing voice to resolve problem Feelings of satisfaction that situation will be remedied thanks to forceful rhetoric Feelings of guilt … Continue reading

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The man with his hands on his hips

There was an image that flashed across the TV screen Sunday afternoon. I can’t be certain but it might have been an ad for IBM’s artificial intelligence app, Watson. “Hello. I am Watson,” a voice intones at the end, a … Continue reading

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Pump rage

My general state of being whenever I wait for a gas pump to free up can best be described as “seething.” I’m not great with waiting, even in a car surrounded by the endless possibilities of radio entertainment because, as … Continue reading

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