Tag Archives: satire

Social Distancing Notes: Excerpts from Your Local Weekly

Mr. and Mrs. Harold Hurlburl received a visit from their son, Mr. Edgar Hurlburl, of Montreal, this Saturday past. Mrs. Hurlburl served her famous shrimp pinwheels, which Mr. Hurlburl made a game of lobbing through the partially opened driver-side window … Continue reading

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Shoe you, shoe me

“Rapper Travis Scott’s fans got goosebumps when word spread that he was collaborating with Nike on a new SB Dunk shoe. When the sneakers finally dropped in his online store Saturday, they quickly sold out.” — CNN Business, February 23 … Continue reading

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A meeting with my internal editor

Ross’s Internal Editor: Hello, Ross. Happy New Year. Thanks for taking the time to see me. Ross Murray: Well, the mirror was right there, so no problem. RIE: Is this a good time? You seem to be struggling with that … Continue reading

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SAVE THE ECONOMY!

I speak to you today because our ever-growing economy is under threat of growing not quite so very much. Due to direct human action and cheapskate millennials, global wondering is causing you to challenge corporate greed, question the incessant need … Continue reading

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A letter from your university development office

Dear alumnus/alumna/aluminum: Here at Ross Murray University, as we lounge in our yak-skin recliners vaping with impunity, surrounded by floodlit portraits of our beloved founder in various states of undress, we think of you, our former student, as you make … Continue reading

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How not to die on Mount Everest

More than 300 people have died climbing Mount Everest over the past nearly 100 years. This season alone, the death toll has reached 11, primarily caused by overcrowded trails hindering oxygen-deprived climbers from ascending or descending. As a public service, … Continue reading

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New law restricts a woman’s right to shoes

Fresh off the most hardline abortion legislation in generations, several US states are now planning to regulate not just what women can do with their bodies but what they can wear on them. Specifically, their feet. Alabama is the first … Continue reading

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