Tag Archives: satire

Me, age 110, explaining the secret of my longevity

It’s so nice to have you reporterbots from GoogleThought drilling into my consciousness for an interview. I remember when I was a flesh reporter and I had to do these stories by actually talking to old people. Human contact was … Continue reading

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Please support this thing that is more important than those other things

For far too long, our society has turned a blind eye to this thing. It’s outrageous. Disgusting. Poopy. When I think about what this thing is doing and sometimes what it is not doing and the people this thing is … Continue reading

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My appropriation apology

In 2016, I published a novel entitled A Hole in the Ground. In this novel, I referred to a First Nations people, the Muskawatipaq, as well as their ancestral territory, Petawodimocto. These references were entirely fictional, created for the purposes … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen!, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 37 Comments

Fear and loathing in auto repair

Dear Mr. Murray, As requested, we have given your automobile a thorough inspection and are pleased to report to you our findings. In a nutshell – or as we mechanics like to say, “in a DIN 6923 swivel flange nut” … Continue reading

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Our celebrity commencement speaker is unavailable

Madam Chancellor, distinguished guests, parents, Class of 2017: I know you are expecting me at this point to introduce our celebrity commencement speaker. After all, the least we can do after your three to five years of academic struggle and … Continue reading

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The press conference about the press conference

Good morning, everyone. I think we can get started. First of all, thank you all for coming out to today’s press conference announcing today’s press conference. First, a little background about the press conference. As you know, the press conference … Continue reading

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Risky business for columnists

Hi there. How’s tricks? Does anyone say that anymore? “How’s tricks?” Sounds Damon Runyon-esque. That’s Damon Runyon, the American writer, not Damon Runyan, the Canadian actor and star of “Degrassi: The Next Generation,” though, honestly, what kind of parent does … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , , | 16 Comments