Tag Archives: satire

Gushing over local tap water

“Residents of Sherbrooke are drinking the best tap water in Quebec, according to a jury made up of water experts and a sommelier…. The winning choice was based on clarity, odour and taste, much like wine is judged.” – CBC … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Please do not hassle me about my therapy toaster

No, this isn’t a “toaster” I’m holding on my lap. It is my therapy toaster, and, no, I will not put it in the overhead compartment, because that would clearly defeat the purpose of bringing my therapy toaster onto this … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , | 18 Comments

I am a national treasure

“Stevie Wonder is a straight-up national treasure” – Chicago Reader, November 17, 2014 “Betty White is a national treasure.” – George Takei, Facebook, October 11, 2011 “Robbie Robertson of The Band described [Gordon] Lightfoot as ‘a national treasure.’” – Wikipedia.com … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , | 26 Comments

Me, age 110, explaining the secret of my longevity

It’s so nice to have you reporterbots from GoogleThought drilling into my consciousness for an interview. I remember when I was a flesh reporter and I had to do these stories by actually talking to old people. Human contact was … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Please support this thing that is more important than those other things

For far too long, our society has turned a blind eye to this thing. It’s outrageous. Disgusting. Poopy. When I think about what this thing is doing and sometimes what it is not doing and the people this thing is … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

My appropriation apology

In 2016, I published a novel entitled A Hole in the Ground. In this novel, I referred to a First Nations people, the Muskawatipaq, as well as their ancestral territory, Petawodimocto. These references were entirely fictional, created for the purposes … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen!, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 37 Comments

Fear and loathing in auto repair

Dear Mr. Murray, As requested, we have given your automobile a thorough inspection and are pleased to report to you our findings. In a nutshell – or as we mechanics like to say, “in a DIN 6923 swivel flange nut” … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments