First be kind, then be tough.
It is better to listen than to speak, smarter to think than to react.
If you treat others with respect, they will respect you and your tentacle-like appendage.
Master five good meal recipes.
Know how to change a tire.
A nightly rubdown of linseed oil will keep your tentacle-like appendage smooth and supple.
Never take the extended warranty.
Technically, you can use your tentacle-like appendage to score handicap parking.
Remember what Gandhi said: “In a gentle way, you can shake the world with your tentacle-like appendage.”
In a fight against someone with razor-like protuberances, you must quickly wrap your tentacle-like appendage around his torso, pinning down the protuberances before they can (ha-ha!) “disarm” you.
Don’t be afraid to cry.
Don’t waste too much time following professional sports.
You can trust a man with a goatee and you can trustee a man who shoots laser beams out of his eyes, but you can’t trust a man with both.
When confronted with a pitchfork-wielding mob because of your tentacle-like appendage, quoting the “If you prick us, do we not bleed…” speech from The Merchant of Venice actually won’t help.
Memorize a map of the sewers.
Know a good tailor.
The three worst words you’ll ever hear are “You disappoint me.” That and “He went thataway” said by the goateed man with laser beam eyes.
As you flee through the sewers in your bespoke overcoat with the screaming of the hoards echoing in your ears, remember that it is always darkest before the dawn, making it the best time to stow away in a Russian trawler bound for the jungles of Peru, where the prophets foretell the coming of a man with a tentacle-like appendage who shall be their god.
The ladies love a tentacle-like appendage.