First be kind, then be tough.
It is better to listen than to speak, smarter to think than to react.
If you treat others with respect, they will respect you and your tentacle-like appendage.
Master five good meal recipes.
Know how to change a tire.
A nightly rubdown of linseed oil will keep your tentacle-like appendage smooth and supple.
Never take the extended warranty.
Technically, you can use your tentacle-like appendage to score handicap parking.
Remember what Gandhi said: “In a gentle way, you can shake the world with your tentacle-like appendage.”
In a fight against someone with razor-like protuberances, you must quickly wrap your tentacle-like appendage around his torso, pinning down the protuberances before they can (ha-ha!) “disarm” you.
Don’t be afraid to cry.
Don’t waste too much time following professional sports.
You can trust a man with a goatee and you can trustee a man who shoots laser beams out of his eyes, but you can’t trust a man with both.
When confronted with a pitchfork-wielding mob because of your tentacle-like appendage, quoting the “If you prick us, do we not bleed…” speech from The Merchant of Venice actually won’t help.
Memorize a map of the sewers.
Know a good tailor.
The three worst words you’ll ever hear are “You disappoint me.” That and “He went thataway” said by the goateed man with laser beam eyes.
As you flee through the sewers in your bespoke overcoat with the screaming of the hoards echoing in your ears, remember that it is always darkest before the dawn, making it the best time to stow away in a Russian trawler bound for the jungles of Peru, where the prophets foretell the coming of a man with a tentacle-like appendage who shall be their god.
The ladies love a tentacle-like appendage.
Drinking Tips for Teens 
Why did your father’s advice did not mention the fact that the people in Peru are waiting for their tentacle-like appendage-bearing god only to nail him to a cross-like structure (kind of like a cross but with an extra beam for nailing a tentacle-like appendage)?
Sure, but up to that point it’ll be awesome!
cephalopods are in these days, so –
Totes.
Is your dad H.P. Lovecraft?
Ha! That crossed my mind.
I was going to say something about squids & editors both squirting ink, but it sounded rude, somehow.
This shows remarkable restraint on your part.
I know, right? And no puns. I’m projecting a whole new, classier, more adult image, thanks for noticing. Happy Father’s Day, Mr. Murray.
Kraken advice
But a bit fishy?
It sounds safe. I don’t see any of this leading to a jail sentence.
Are you stoned? And I mean that in the nicest way.
No, but I’m willing to give it another shot.
That illustration looks a lot like half of a gnarly handle bar moustache, which some ladies seem to enjoy, but not this one. My own dear Dad once told me to tell my boyfriend to keep his appendage in his…well, you know what he said. He wasn’t one for mincing words. You on the other hand are the slap and dice master of words. Happy Father’s Day Ross Murray.
Thanks. Dads be dads.
So much wisdom. Thanks for sharing.
So much. So much.
Feeling very disenchanted, said Princess Tiabeanie to Queen Oona on her wedding night.
If you say so….
Oh that was a reference to that new Netflix show, Disenchanted by the makers of The Simpsons… (in one of the first episodes the princess has her wedding night talk with her stepmother who is a reptile, it involves use of the word “tentacles”)… I thought maybe with your “tentacle” you were referring to that as well! :)) There are pitchfork-wielding mobs and most likely goateed laser-beam eyed men, it won’t disappoint. Anyhoo your dad sounds pretty rad!
oops sorry, *Disenchantment* not Disenchanted, and one year old-ish not new. tentacle speech is episode 1 ;)) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disenchantment_(TV_series)
Ahhhh! Sounds up my alley.