Author Archives: rossmurray1

About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."

Why Don’t We Review It in the Road?

“[The Beatles’ White Album] might be called the greatest record ever made […] a top-to-bottom reinvention of the band as pure abstraction, the two discs, like stone tablets, delivering a new order.” –  “The Accidental Perfection of the Beatles’ White … Continue reading

Posted in Music | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Fear of phone

Whenever I’m feeling old (AKA any given day), I like knowing that I can phone myself at the office, let it go to voicemail and hear the youthful tones of myself from 13 years ago telling strangers that I will … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Don’t be such a martyr, it’s All Saints Day!

Saint Tarafa the Putrid The Holy Hottie of Hungary, Tarafa the Putrid was named Saint of the Year in 1089, winning over the critics and plague-ridden alike with her hit song “Jesus May Have Come to Me (But I Wish … Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Never Happened | Tagged , , , | 12 Comments

The Pantsing: A Halloween Tale

Detective Marilyn Grendel took a drag off her cigarette like a teenage boy giving a hickey. She flicked the spent butt to the ground with a loathing usually reserved for relatives who owe you money. Adjusting her three-dollar blazer over … Continue reading

Posted in Holidays, Never Happened | Tagged , , , | 32 Comments

In a blazer of glory

The last sports jacket I bought I had to ask the lady to put it aside for me while I ran home from her yard sale to find the 5 bucks. It’s wool and cashmere with a rich taupe colour, … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

Reply-all escalation

From: david.jones@bci.com| To: reg.carl@bci.com; staff@bci.com Subject: Re: News from Peggy Thanks for the update, Reg. Also, don’t forget to send me that link for the beard balm. ­—- Hi, everybody. Sorry for the reply-all. LOL. —- Hi again. Yes, I … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Happy Thanksgendering

Everyone, please? Everyone? If you could all stop arguing for a minute. Really, it doesn’t matter how you’d vote in the midterm elections. We’re Canadian, remember? Uncle Gary, if you wouldn’t mind putting your shirt back on. Yes, it’s an … Continue reading

Posted in Reading? Ugh! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments