Author Archives: rossmurray1

About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."

Come away, O human Dad, to the waters

Written on the beach at Cavendish, PEI, 1100 km from home, with apologies to W.B. Yeats. Come away, O human Dad! To the waters and the wild With a campsite, full of sand, For the tent more needs a sweeping … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Flushing tips for guests

Dear guests, Welcome to our home and, more specifically, this little corner of personal hygiene privacy we like to call the guest bathroom. Please make yourself comfortable and avail yourself of whatever you need. We have provided a wide variety … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , | 43 Comments

The ghost of Stuart McLean describes Canada’s summer of 2017

For optimal effect, please read aloud in front of an enthusiastic live audience of your choosing. It’s a beautiful morning. The kind of morning that makes you want to leap out of bed, put on an old record and wake … Continue reading

Posted in Canada and/or Quebec, Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Me, age 110, explaining the secret of my longevity

It’s so nice to have you reporterbots from GoogleThought drilling into my consciousness for an interview. I remember when I was a flesh reporter and I had to do these stories by actually talking to old people. Human contact was … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Please support this thing that is more important than those other things

For far too long, our society has turned a blind eye to this thing. It’s outrageous. Disgusting. Poopy. When I think about what this thing is doing and sometimes what it is not doing and the people this thing is … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

And a 5 6 7 8…!

As part of our constant quest for innovation and funkiness, Drinking Tips for Teens is pleased to present the world’s first choreographed blog post. What’s black and white and ready to boogie all over? Read on! I can act. I … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

There’s a house word for that

Originally posted on Drinking Tips for Teens:
This is not a sofa. Language is culture. Yogurt is also culture. Beyond that they have nothing in common. It’s language – certainly not yogurt – that binds us. Without language, we would…

Posted in Reading? Ugh! | 5 Comments