Author Archives: rossmurray1

About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."

Always carry a notebook so you can keep track of your brilliant thoughts

• Next season on “Survivor”: everyone is covered with staticky packing Styrofoam and the first person who gets it all off their clothes without losing their mind wins. • Just once, I’d like to see instructions that say your food item … Continue reading

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , , | 23 Comments

Funeral for a friend (me)

Last week was a week of funerals – celebrity, political and personal. On Saturday, we attended the burial of a close friend of my wife’s family, gathering at the Reedsville Cemetery surrounded by the lush green hills of Hatley Township, … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

Metaphors for America: a road trip

When prompted, we tell the U.S. Customs agents we’re heading to New Jersey. “On purpose?” he asks. We’ll be staying in New Jersey but day-tripping into Manhattan, later going to the Jersey Shore for a few days, but the agent … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , | 18 Comments

This is why we can’t have nice things

This week we say goodbye to the living room sofa we’ve had for the past 16 years. That sofa holds a lot of memories. And urine. Tip for young families: never, ever purchase a suede sofa. Suede is the least … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , | 21 Comments

What your childhood home smelled like to your friends, and what that says about you

A kind of mushroomy odour, like shirts put away damp and then left in the drawer too long You are highly self-reliant, thought that sometimes comes across as arrogant and stand-offish, especially when you announce loudly, “Look how self-reliant I … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , | 23 Comments

Sleepless in sleeping bags

I have a long history of lying in bed and plotting revenge. I remember university nights spent listening to housemates thump, bump and generally do fun things without me. All I really wanted to do was sleep. Instead, I seethed. … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , | 24 Comments

Scouting report: Softball Tournament; Team Ville de Stanstead

Made reconnaissance trip to Beebe ball field for charity softball tournament on reports that the Town of Stanstead (Ville) would be entering a team and on assumption that, carrying municipal banner, team would surely include the cream of softball talent … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments