Author Archives: rossmurray1

About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."

ABBA über alles

Posted on August 15, 2019

The first album I ever bought was by Valdy, a barely remembered Canadian folk artist, and it wasn’t even the album with that one hit. I have no idea what prompted me to buy it. I mean, Side 1 was … Continue reading →

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Vehicular mans-laughter

Posted on August 8, 2019

Story one: We’ve been thinking of buying a pickup. We’re always moving kids back and forth, we’re considering getting kayaks, and, besides, doesn’t everyone secretly want a pickup? So I’ve been looking online, and by “online” I mean “lazily browsing … Continue reading →

Posted in Canada and/or Quebec, It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Oil spill

Posted on August 1, 2019

It’s never good news when you walk into the kitchen and find your child wiping the floor. In this case, I had come in from the garden and found Abby on her hands and knees with a dish towel. I … Continue reading →

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

So your penis is broken…

Posted on July 25, 2019

Introduction: Sorry to hear your penis is broken There are many reasons why your penis may be broken: prostate surgery, stress, rampant alcoholism, too much Disney Channel, mangling. But whatever the reason, an inability to ring the butler can cause … Continue reading →

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 46 Comments

A letter from your university development office

Posted on July 18, 2019

Dear alumnus/alumna/aluminum: Here at Ross Murray University, as we lounge in our yak-skin recliners vaping with impunity, surrounded by floodlit portraits of our beloved founder in various states of undress, we think of you, our former student, as you make … Continue reading →

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Simply mad about the booze

Posted on July 11, 2019

It seems not even sobriety will be saved from enjoying a made-for-Instagram moment, with new hashtaggable terms like “mindful drinking” and “sober curious.” No longer do you have to feel left out or uncool for being sober. You maybe don’t … Continue reading →

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

A sizzling heap of…

Posted on July 4, 2019

Considerate person that she is, Deb offered the man with only two items to go ahead of us at the grocery checkout. But first, a condition: “You’re not getting lottery tickets, are you?” she asked. The man, one of our … Continue reading →

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , , | 16 Comments