Author Archives: rossmurray1

About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."

ABBA über alles

The first album I ever bought was by Valdy, a barely remembered Canadian folk artist, and it wasn’t even the album with that one hit. I have no idea what prompted me to buy it. I mean, Side 1 was … Continue reading

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Vehicular mans-laughter

Story one: We’ve been thinking of buying a pickup. We’re always moving kids back and forth, we’re considering getting kayaks, and, besides, doesn’t everyone secretly want a pickup? So I’ve been looking online, and by “online” I mean “lazily browsing … Continue reading

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Oil spill

It’s never good news when you walk into the kitchen and find your child wiping the floor. In this case, I had come in from the garden and found Abby on her hands and knees with a dish towel. I … Continue reading

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So your penis is broken…

Introduction: Sorry to hear your penis is broken There are many reasons why your penis may be broken: prostate surgery, stress, rampant alcoholism, too much Disney Channel, mangling. But whatever the reason, an inability to ring the butler can cause … Continue reading

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A letter from your university development office

Dear alumnus/alumna/aluminum: Here at Ross Murray University, as we lounge in our yak-skin recliners vaping with impunity, surrounded by floodlit portraits of our beloved founder in various states of undress, we think of you, our former student, as you make … Continue reading

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Simply mad about the booze

It seems not even sobriety will be saved from enjoying a made-for-Instagram moment, with new hashtaggable terms like “mindful drinking” and “sober curious.” No longer do you have to feel left out or uncool for being sober. You maybe don’t … Continue reading

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A sizzling heap of…

Considerate person that she is, Deb offered the man with only two items to go ahead of us at the grocery checkout. But first, a condition: “You’re not getting lottery tickets, are you?” she asked. The man, one of our … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , , | 16 Comments