Author Archives: rossmurray1

About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."

Advice from my father

First be kind, then be tough. It is better to listen than to speak, smarter to think than to react. If you treat others with respect, they will respect you and your tentacle-like appendage. Master five good meal recipes. Know … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , | 12 Comments

The New Girlfriend: A Short Story

No one would admit it to his face, and certainly not to hers, but people in town weren’t happy with Todd Brown’s new girlfriend. Practically everyone had heard that Todd and Stacey Green had broken up. News like that doesn’t … Continue reading

Posted in Reading? Ugh! | Tagged , | 13 Comments

How not to die on Mount Everest

More than 300 people have died climbing Mount Everest over the past nearly 100 years. This season alone, the death toll has reached 11, primarily caused by overcrowded trails hindering oxygen-deprived climbers from ascending or descending. As a public service, … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , | 25 Comments

A Guide to the Toronto Raptors for Americans

A form of basketball was played by the Ojibwe people on Lake Ontario and went by the name of “beaktukk tagaka,” which, roughly translated, means “lacrosse played badly.” Almonte, Ontario native James Naismith “invented” basketball in 1891 by stealing it … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , | 18 Comments

New law restricts a woman’s right to shoes

Fresh off the most hardline abortion legislation in generations, several US states are now planning to regulate not just what women can do with their bodies but what they can wear on them. Specifically, their feet. Alabama is the first … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , | 31 Comments

My neighbour, cancer

As a writer, I strive for accuracy. So it’s been a bit of a struggle to find the right expression to describe my life since prostate surgery six months ago. Am I living with cancer? No, the cancer is out … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , | 51 Comments

Notes from an ongoing territorial dispute with the cats

Background The queen-size bed situated within the master bedroom (hereinafter known as the Territory) has been officially occupied by two economic partners for more than two decades, and clear title and ownership of said Territory is undisputed, with divisions between … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , | 20 Comments