Author Archives: rossmurray1

About rossmurray1

I'm Canadian so I pronounce it "Aboot." No, I don't! I don't know any Canadian who says "aboot." Damnable lies! But I do know this Canadian is all about humour (with a U) and satire. Come by. I don't bite, or as we Canadians say, "beet."

Lions and tigers and ticks, oh my!

If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it because everyone’s afraid they’re going to get lyme disease? Probably. This summer, the tiniest of insects are public enemy number one and people … Continue reading

Posted in Reading? Ugh! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

My appropriation apology

In 2016, I published a novel entitled A Hole in the Ground. In this novel, I referred to a First Nations people, the Muskawatipaq, as well as their ancestral territory, Petawodimocto. These references were entirely fictional, created for the purposes … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen!, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 37 Comments

Searching for the parental sweet spot

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “I liked it better when he used to write about his kids.” It’s true. I wrote about my children all the time. But then something happened: They grew up. Our four children are … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , | 28 Comments

Fear and loathing in auto repair

Dear Mr. Murray, As requested, we have given your automobile a thorough inspection and are pleased to report to you our findings. In a nutshell – or as we mechanics like to say, “in a DIN 6923 swivel flange nut” … Continue reading

Posted in It Could Happen... | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

Let us now praise little sandwiches

Originally posted on Drinking Tips for Teens:
Is there a more perfect food, in circumstances that require as many fingers free as possible, than the little sandwich? Finger sandwiches, they call them, and not without reason. The mad gesturing small-talker…

Posted in Reading? Ugh! | 5 Comments

Who are the pickles in your neighbourhood

Ever since the snow melted, I had been eyeballing this jar of pickles at the bottom of our street. It was a litre jar of bread-and-butters lying on its side next to a cedar hedge right there by the stop … Continue reading

Posted in It Really Did Happen! | Tagged , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Our celebrity commencement speaker is unavailable

Madam Chancellor, distinguished guests, parents, Class of 2017: I know you are expecting me at this point to introduce our celebrity commencement speaker. After all, the least we can do after your three to five years of academic struggle and … Continue reading

Posted in Never Happened | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments